We often hear or come across this statement which I had considered a cliche about the mind being a powerhouse...How we are shaped by our thoughts thus we become what we think, when the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves, yada yada yada, in my opinion, words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality but then again, learning never exhausts the mind, I'm about to find out!
The rest of the ramadan fasting period went without drama post DISS-TANT RELATIVE and now the only drama that I need to quell was the one starting to billow in my head. The pertinent questions about where the Kuwda blog is going and what I should be doing with my life... sometimes, being unsure where life is taking you makes you so scared.
It was a few days after the sallah "festive" celebration following the ramadan fasting period and I guess I got sucked into one of those worry-induced mood swings where I get really unhappy for no cogent reason. I was lying on the cool tiled floor watching a repeat episode of a telenovela series when Hamz sauntered into the sitting room holding the hand of one of his female friends-with-benefit. They greeted me and I just looked at them with the corner of my eyes as I was too tired and sleepy at the time to even raise my upper body up and respond properly to them, Hamz walked up to me and asked if I was alright seeing as I looked dull like a water-soaked dough of bread, I said I was fine and without pressing further, he excitedly turned around quickly and went to take a sit beside his friend, moments later, I dozed off!
I don't know for how long I had dozed off but I thought I heard moans of pleasure, like I was walking alone along a lonely, sandy street and then stopped in my tracks when I heard the moans. It must have been a blend of reality and dream...a state of subconsciousness because it felt like I was dreaming but channeled by the sounds my sleeping body was hearing to direct how my dream went, there was a slight giggle, like one who got tickled then a deeper moan, I shook and woke up, I was still and tried to flick open my eyelids but felt glued down by eye sugar...that sticky substance that gums your eye down and you have to scratch it off to open your eyes, I did and in an initial blurry view, I thought I saw Hamz's body in an animated motion on top of his friend on the sofa making love, I was so mad that my brain was in an instant flooding my mind with several ideas of what I should do to make them pay or spoil their fun, I thought to stay still and let them finish their little party or just feign a cough and get them jittery, I couldn't decide but I felt Hamz is such a fool who totally disrespected me and our house. As brothers, many would think I should let it pass... mind over matter kind of thing, If I don't mind it then it shouldn't matter hence allow him but do you know his track record with women? No, I do mind and so this matters.