Wednesday 28 December 2016

Bday! (Season Finale)

I was still feeling a little down in the dumps after what transpired in the last episode as read in STUCK IN A DAYDREAM? A seemingly wiry tangled knots of confusion, unexplained tiredness and a sense of feeling lost felt like a negative anchor pulling me down, leaving my soul hungry for freedom and a sense of spiritual upliftment and direction.

 Upon fearing a possible breakdown, I decided to call a friend for moral support and after patiently listening to my cry of woes, heaved a deep sigh and tried encouraging me never to give in to my mood, instead, he dared me to dream and strive to achieve it, going on to task me to branch out of writing for just #Kuwda but also write a work of fiction for sale,

"...You can do this Maj, you're an incredible writer and you've been writing about your day to day life on Keeping Up With D Adagiris and it is such a beautiful write up but why not  task yourself to write a work of fiction for publication, either as a hard copy publication or online for sale? It would go further in cementing yourself as a writer and get people to take you more seriously plus you get to make some bucks from it... Kuwda is dope but people don't want to know just about your family issues, a lot is going on in the world, stories abound that needs telling, write on themes of new issues arising in the world like terrorism, feminism, sexuality, a lot of themes to pick from....think about it Maj, you can do this but unless you try".

The last words of his statement echoed through my brain, tingling my pores and left me ruminating over the idea of writing a book. Several times in the past, I have thought about writing a fictitious story but writing as a craft isn't exactly a walk in the park as other writers would agree and I had gotten way too comfortable writing strictly for #Kuwda that the thought of branching out scares me but I knew in my heart that my friend was right, if I need to get people to take me seriously as a writer, I have to show them my work, not just my work writing a reality blog series so I swore to myself I was going to get to work and prove to myself that indeed, I am a grounded and balanced writer besides I realised that part of the reason why I was in such emotional turmoil as stated above was because I needed money badly and felt like, as a family, we need to have multiple income stream with the recession biting harder and our expenses getting higher and this angered me a lot most especially as my birthday was approaching and from the look of things, nothing yum seems to be in the offing, no whispers amongst my brothers, no secret meetings between my Mom and siblings, their body language lately had suggested no secret plans is being hatched and Mom had been particularly moody lately all because of the gloomy financial state sweeping through the country in the form of recession. I might come off as quite spoilt for saying this but It felt quite scary to spend my birthday with everyone just mouthing a "happy birthday" phrase and nothing more which even added to my woes, leading me to sink further in my angst against everything and everyone thus naturally getting me into spells of throwing tantrums unnecessarily and at the slightest provocation from feeling exhausted and foggy in the brain.

Thursday 8 December 2016

Stuck in a daydream?

- "Give up already...enough of this charade" 

- "What is this? A Kardashian-like show? You can't be serious are you?"

- "You paint a fairy tale with your stories, you are not realistic, no one would be interested"

- " Keeping up with d Adagiris? What the hell? Lol, Maj, please get a job".

 I sat on the bare floor at one corner of my room, looking straight ahead with a pout, dejected and forlorn from being heavily weighed down by depression and worry as I contemplated over my reality blog "Keeping up with d Adagiris" and why I had started it sometime in 2009 as negative reactions I had gotten over time resurrected and blended with new ones people recently hurled at me, all floating freely around my head which were pulling me down, sapping my energy, stealing my joy and igniting feeling of inadequacies towards my posts as I began to dislike my write ups, thinking they weren't good enough despite a few friends calling to assure me they were all amazing and I should rather work on snapping out of my depressive mood fast.

Naturally, I thought they were being nice because they were my friends and turned to my siblings who although love me to bits, would most likely give me their frank assessment of my posts and luckily, they did which gave me some morale boost. "Luckily" because even though my brothers have being generally supportive, their support can be fickle, on and off depending on their mood, especially "off" when we have a fight wherein they give a scathing review of the blog in which sometimes lie a bit of truth but overall, they have been pretty frank and truthful of their appraisal of the blog which leaves me dealing with the haters and gloom predictors whose words sometimes cut deep like a knife and on one of such occasion left me crying in the shower after an online troll made fun of me and the KUWDA blog of being a wannabe and struggling to be a hit since 2009.