Diss-tant Relatives

The role of family in any society cannot be overemphasized and in a place like Africa, more so West-Africa and Nigeria to be precise, family is everything, they shape us, mould us, serves as a form of security, the list is endless.

Our society in this part of the world is hugely patriarchal and emphasis is placed on the male children and the unity of all offspring of the male line of the family even though in our case, we are closer to our matriarchal cousins than our patriarchal's but try to get along just  to make our patchy relationship work. It was a few days to ramadan and I was on my bed on a humid morning, reading a novel, the past couple of weeks had been particularly hard on me because this year has been the slowest on #Kuwda and it bothered me a lot that I couldn't do much about the situation amongst other personal issues disturbing my thoughts so in other to stop myself from worrying, I decided get lost in the reverie of reading a novel. Karl came into our shared room moments later looking a little outwardly disheveled with a rather serious expression, I looked up from my book wearing a suspicious look on my face about him that says he had been up to something especially so as he was avoiding eye contact with me.

 He picked up his heavy "daddy" towel and went straight into the bathroom, I smiled inwardly as I sensed he was going to have the Islamic cleansing bath "Janabah" after meeting a woman...obviously Shalewa, I continued reading and few minutes later, Karl came out of the bathroom, staring straight at me with a knowing smile, I just shook my head with a smirk and continued with my novel,

 "You should know Shalewa and I are now sort of official...don't judge the girl and I'm a man, I've taken my time before dating so you wouldn't call me a player and.."



He tried to explain as I interjected,

 "..Karl it's ok really...you don't have to explain yourself and I totally understand. Growing up and till date, I've been wrongly judged myself and prejudiced a lot just because I'm effeminate and I wouldn't do that to someone else, so you guys have my blessings bro!"

Karl had a look of surprise all over his face and in a fit of cheerful laughter, came towards me with an outstretched hand to give me a handshake which I acknowledged. The day went by pretty fast and by nightfall, the family were gathered around the dining table having dinner of semovita and vegetable soup with chunks of well cooked beef when Mom soon cleared her throat and announced we were to go to the market the next day to get foodstuff as Ramadan was already here before the price of foodstuff skyrocket, I nodded in agreement as I knew I was the main person in charge of food affairs in the house,

 "...Then one more thing.."

Mom continued,

 "Mama Simbi and her two sons would be coming around to spend the Ramadan period with us, apparently it's been forever we last saw each other and she just wants to spend time with us",

Mama Simbi is Mom's maternal second cousins and growing up, they all lived in the same compound and now, she plans to spend the fasting period with us, a little flustered with the news, I took a few gulps of water and responded,

 "You mean spend the entire Ramadan fast with us? Isn't that too long for a visit? What would happen to her business or work?"

Mom shrugged indifferently and said she couldn't turn her down but when she comes, they will probably discuss why she intends to stay a month long.

 "So Abdulmajeed, Karl, one of the boys will stay in your room and Qatari, Hamza, the other will stay in yours and their mom will stay in my room so make sure your rooms are sparkling clean....especially Qatari and Hamz... your room smells like a dumpster"

We all roared with laughter as QT passed on the task of cleaning the room to Hamz  which he definitely protested against,

"We are cleaning the room...TOGETHER! It is our room, those your stinking boxers you've refused to wash, do you expect I touch them?"

We all laughed as QT angrily waved his index at Hamz with a threat of killing him if he doesn't shut his mouth to which Mom swiftly interjected, swiftly reprimanding QT against threatening to kill someone. A day to the start of the fasting, Karl drove himself, myself and Hamz to the market to buy foodstuff, Hamz kept grumbling on the trip to the market that he needed to see his babe before the fasting starts and accompanying us to the market was taking much needed time,

"Oh by babe you mean your sex things..to get your fuck-a-thon on to last you the next sex-less month huh?"

Karl giggled as an obviously angry Hamz asked me to mind my business. Done with the haggling and purchases of foodstuff with market women, all sweat drenched in the hot sun, we all carried our goods to the car and went home.

 The next day on the first day of fasting, Mom's cousin arrived with her two sons, her female kids were already married and her sons are about QT's age mates. Mom was at work when they arrived so we welcomed them in and made them comfortable as much as we could, Mama Simbi for some reasons couldn't be pleased, she kept giving the entire house a rather condescending all-round glance as though she was irritated with something, although puzzled at her attitude, I decided to go along with it and cut her some slack.

By evening, Mom had arrived and while we had dinner after the day's fast, Mama Simbi again complained about the food having too much salt, this didn't go well with all of us as it is just too obvious a lie for it is common knowledge in our house that I have a somewhat sharp tongue for seasonings so what I consider to be salty is average for others, Mom asked Mama Simbi if all was well with her, she gave an assertive nod that she is fine, Mom clearly wanted to make sure she was okay because her attitude was rather unlike her.

We all went to bed and woke up few hours later for our pre-dawn meal and while we all ate, Karl took his plate of food and went to a corner at the far end of the sitting room, sat on the tiled floor and was eating while making a call on his phone with his voice barely audible, Mom turned to look at me with a curious look which seems to be asking if what she was thinking is what it is...that is, is Karl seeing a girl? I sensed her unsaid message and covered my mouth to muffle a chuckle which elicited a smirk from my brothers, it was really quite surreal to see, seeing Karl all caught up in the bubble of love, sneaking to corners to speak with a girl..yada yada, Mom beckoned to me with her index finger and when I came closer, she whispered into my ear, cupping her mouth with her palm so Hamz and QT won't read her lips to decipher what she was saying but they guessed what it most probably could be as Hamz shouted

"Ameeeeboooo" which literally means "gossip" as we all roared with laughter, Mama Simbi's boys just looked on at us with such indifference, their mom who at that time was coming back to from the restroom to join us at the dining table and passed by Karl, his right leg was outstretched across her path and upon noticing, he quickly withdrew his leg as Mama's Simbi's mouth slowly went agape on noticing what he was doing, she called out to Mom from where she was and asked if this is how she raises her children, Mom was aghast, she went,

 "... In this period of fasting, instead of your step-son to be deep in prayers or just focus on his meal, he's here talking to a girl, can you believe that and you aren't bothered? Ehn?"

Mom swallowed obviously to stop herself from firing an expletive as Mama Simbi is older than her and it would cause a family uproar to learn Mom embarrassed her in the presence of the kids, she gave an awkward smile and just said she does her best as a mother and it wasn't such a big deal to quickly call someone he's dating before dawn when it would be a sin to do such, Mama Simbi shook her head irritably, adjusted her wrapper then came towards the dining to have her dinner, we all shared shocked glances as a visibly horrified Karl just abruptly ended his call as he was too shocked to see Mom couldn't stand up to her, hurriedly punching his phone buttons, apparently to text his lady he would reach her some other time.

By the middle of the fasting period, we had had enough of Mama Simbi and her sons who are so annoying, her sons will put on our shoes with their flat, webbed feet and expand our shoes without apology, Mama Simbi always has an opinion on how Mom should raise her kids and how to run the house, so Mom bluntly told her she needed to go, then called relatives to ask them to help her warn Mama Simbi as she could no longer tolerate her excesses, though Mama Simbi tried to apologise with a hint of sarcasm but trust Mom to clap back subtly with a hint of sarcasm as well. When they finally left, we all heaved a sigh of relief!

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