God made me beautiful

Forward- This is a sequel to I AM MAJ AND I AM MEE and the entire story has been made shorter to fit into one post and avoid a very lengthy piece,to fully digest this piece,I would recommend you listen to the songs  as you read

*Celine dion's Love me back to life playing in the background*

I was walking dead
Stuck inside my head
I couldn't get out
Turn the lights down
The voices inside so loud

Need a jump-start, catatonia
I couldn't feel,
I wish that I could disappear
The voices inside so real

But you stood by my side
Night after night, night after night.

You loved me back to life, life
From the coma.
The wait is over.
You loved me back to life, life
From the coma.
We lovers again tonight.
Back to life, back to life, back to life, back to life, yeah, yeah.

You woke me up, one touch and I felt alive
You loved me back to life,
Back to life, thought I died.
The voices inside so quiet.

But you stood by my side
Night after night, night after night.

You loved me back to life, life
From the coma.
The wait is over.
You loved me back to life, life
From the coma.
We lovers again tonight.

Strong hand, thick skin and an open heart
You saw through the pain, saw through the mask
You never gave up on me, yeah

Life, life
From the coma.
The wait is over.
You loved me back to life, life
From the coma.
We lovers again tonight

Back to life, back to life, back to life, back to life
Back to life, back to life, back to life, back to life yeah yeah


                                                             
*Deep under water in a large pool with nothing on save a tiny neon-coloured pvc brief which failed to keep the water off the crack of my butt,  kicking and flapping my arms animatedly with bubbles of air  filtering out of my nose towards the top of water,my legs fluttering alternately to push water back and tilt my body up,eyes shut tight...suddenly,I paused,suspended  mid-water,memories flooding my head while listening to celine dion's "love me back to life" playing in the background,in a few seconds,I emerged from the vast body of water like poseidon's son would *
                         
                                                               * * *
God made me beautiful...I have come to agree and it is an amazing thing,that is why I have decided to splice this piece with lyrics from beyonce's "God made you beautiful" which to some extent influenced the title of this post and also celine dion's "love me back to life" as it is quite emotional for me writing this piece and I needed those lyrics to prevent memories of some deep-seated ill-feelings from the past seething in

                                                                  * * *
I blocked my face with my arm to prevent the  remnants of rice well rubbed in stew being picked from the expansive dining table and hurled at me by my hostel mates from entering my eyes,girls from the other side of the table quivered with laughter,the guys,obviously enjoying the humiliation they were dealing me with stood up to practically pour a whole plate of packed remnants of rice on me to make the girls laugh even  more to impress them and also kept slapping me over my cheeks,my arms still covering my face,everyone laughed,I didn't know which hurt the most,the humiliation of being laughed at by everyone,including my juniors and girls or the stings of slaps dealt me by my own mates or being pelted by remnants of rice which stained my school uniform which was all white and  in my school then,that was the ultimate embarrassment,seeing fish stew stains all over your white uniform as though you are some uncultured food monger who couldn't eat properly.
I felt hot tears burn against my eyelids,all welled up,ready to cascade down my cheeks but for some unknown reasons,I fought back the tears,maybe because instinctively,I didn't want to give anyone the pleasure of seeing me hurt.

 Adherents of the  christian faith would say "man is made out of God's image" stating how he created us in a perfect mould and form but in my thirst for religious reprieve,I never felt any perfection in my life,here I was,being humiliated by everyone,I felt so alone,I wanted badly to be saved but no one could,everyone seemed to dislike me because I was pretty-looking,not sharp (was what they said) and accused me of having some demons residing inside of me,it was so bad and it continued for a long time that at some point,I began to think they were right.

I was suffering from low self-esteem,it was so bad that I avoided facial contacts with everyone,at some point,I became a truant in school. After classes,I would sneak off to the back of the school,past the broken fence by the food and nutrition lab and off into town,with no definite destination in mind,walking aimlessly around town in my all white uniform which people easily recognised as my a-little-above middle class unity school and wondered why I was walking about when I should be in school...I was in my second year in high school.

While walking around town,I would duck and dive whenever I saw a teacher's car I recognised passing by,since I was in white,they could easily recognise me hence my hiding away and by nightfall,I would find somewhere hidden and secluded to sleep,using my school bag as my pillow.

To say I had hit rock bottom would be stating the obvious,my academic performance was dropping,I'd lost significant amount of weight and as you can see,am a slim guy,so you can imagine how bony I looked with my eyes popping out of their sockets obviously because I wasn't feeding well. Teachers called me aside and talked to me inquiring what was wrong with me,prefects tried to intervene but gave up thinking I was a weirdo who was so babyish and I needed to be shaken out of my spoilt nature,I was taken to the guidance and counseling unit to be talked to by the counsellors,nothing worked,I was so smelly and always dirty since I went for days without taking a bath or washing my clothes and it only added to the jibes and taunts from everyone,I was at the end of my tether...then I snapped.


It was a regular sunny day,after classes,I was tired of everyone avoiding me due to my stale smell and dirty clothes,so I decided to face my fear and go to the hostel to change,have my bath and ofcourse,get out of the school before dark,my limbs shivered as I took the steps towards my massive dormitory,my heart thumping so hard I thought it would burst out of my chest,but I trudged along slowly,trying to see if by the time I get to the hostel,most of them would be out of the hostel to the dining hall to have their lunch,suddenly billy walked past,a bubbly,dark guy of average height who was my hostel and classmate and also one of the bullies...what am I saying,everyone seemed to be bullying me. He flashed me a mischievous grin,quickening his pace,he told me I had the audacity to be coming towards the dorm and that I was done for,he dashed into a sprint to quickly alert the others and before I could say jack,shriveled looking guys with loosed-buttoned
shirts appeared,advancing towards me,I knew here comes trouble,my school bag was heavy as it contained all my books and a few necessities like brush,toothpaste and cardigans,so it made running difficult,they quickly caught up with me and surrounded me,I had a fear equals to the fear of imminent death,they kept walking around me,giggling devilishly and told me to say my last prayer...and with my eyes wet with tears...I did.

 I did say a prayer,but it was for strength and at that point,with barely nothing to loose except my life,which the boys were capable of snuffing out,given their number and the hatred in their eyes,all I could pray for was for strength and as though God heard me,suddenly my fear vanished and I stood straight and dared anyone to make the first move,It was as though I had no control over my lips and body as I stood boldly,uttering those words challenging anyone to make a move but my real self trapped inside of me  begging my body and mouth not to put us in trouble,then yusuf made a move and ... "GBOM"

the next thing I knew was seeing yusuf writhing in utter pain on the floor as pandemonium broke out,some of the guys ran off,thinking yusuf was about to die,even I thought I'd just killed someone,the rest of the guys held me and took me to the house prefect while others rushed yusuf to the sick bay.


When we got to the house prefect,he looked me all over like some pest that needs to be crushed,saying

"One hot slap is all I would give you and you would just pass out,you silly thing,so as fragile as you are,you can hit someone,with those tiny hands of yours? Huh?,no problem,since you have a burst of energy to release,I would give you a proper use for you to channel it,I want you to mop the entire corridor,scrub and mop it before dinner"

It was a huge punishment for one person as our dorms are built very massive but i accepted and went to get buckets to start scrubbing and mopping,waiting to be humiliated and dismissed from school in front of the school assembly for murdering someone.

Fortunately,yusuf didn't die but since that day,he feared me and it made me feel happy that atleast,one bully down,still many to go though. I went to the mosque one evening where  I weirdly found peace and tranquility whenever I was in the mosque and while we were all supplicating to God after the prayers,the mosque's imam and an ss 3 student saw how lost in thought I was and tapped me,talked to me and I poured out my soul to him,telling him my issues and how badly it was affecting me,he was enraged,he told me he was going to punish all those bullies but I was so scared of what they were going to do to me afterwards so I said no but my protests fell on deaf ears so he went ahead to the dining hall during dinner and made an announcement

 "All peace house boys! From ss 2 downwards,after the meal,just march towards the front of unity house and lie down flat on the ground..and if you love your life,don't let me find you lying down there,I would march into your hostel and ...no wahala"

He said sternly and dropped the mic as the whole dining hall dissolved into a buzz of murmur,he wasn't even a member of peace house,everyone wondering what peace house boys had done,the house prefect for peace house then approached the school imam to inquire what his boys had done and he pulled him aside and gave him a piece of his mind concerning my issue,the prefect tried to convince him I was an idiot who totally deserved what was coming to me which took the imam aghast

"Is that your take on this issue? That the poor guy deserve what is coming to him?do you know he's suffering from so much depression and low self-esteem,do you see how gaunt he looks because your boys are giving him a tough time,if your brother was in his shoes,would that be your answer? That he deserved it? Kola! Am disappointed in you and like I announced, your boys are to lie down flat on the bare ground in front of my hostel or else" The imam spewed to which Kola the prefect fired back

"Or else what? I am a prefect of this house and my boys are going nowhere"

The imam smiled,flexing his rippling muscles and went closer to the prefect as I stealthily stole glances as the whole showdown went on from where I sat eating.

"If I don't meet them on there,there would be war between the both of us and you know what that means"

He said with a strong tone of finality which the prefect sort of understood,the imam was a feared guy in our school and he understood what his threat meant

After the meal,the boys went ahead to lie down and the imam called me out to face them,there was a buzz amongst the guys who threw darting gazes at me,the imam asked me to be calm and told me to call out the names of the bullies which I did and he used a metal chain to beat the devil out of them,as scared as I was,I felt good someone muscular,feared and tough was having my back,beating the guys with a huge metal chain....lol,guys can be mean right? For you all who attended boarding schools

 The bullies stopped for a while and during a visit from Mom on a visiting day,I begged her to take me away from the school but she told me I would finish from the school,I told her all I was going through but she insisted I would finish from the school,I thought she was evil,she did try to intervene by reporting to the principal and house master but that didn't do much,so I took it upon myself to fight my own battles. Before I developed my inner strength,I had suicidal tendencies and ohhh! Those terrible acne days that added to my issues,eventually,I fought my battles,stalking my tormentors,one by one,knowing their routes and when they were alone,where they slept and dealt them terrible evils by pouring urine on them when they slept,pouring gravy (shit) into their lockers,pelting them with rocks while alone,staining their washed whites,I did a lot and watched them rant and curse when they saw what befell them.

Then on one of our holidays,I made sure to comb the net,looking for ways to deal with my pimples,I scrubbed up nice,looking uber cool and came back the next term looking like a million dollars,the look on their faces as they all saw a changed Maj, a confident Maj,a strong Maj (I'd learnt some kungfu basics at home),I was ready to take all them mo'fuckers down,hehe

One of the teachers who sympathised with me during my days of agony saw the new me,smiled and called me to him and said

"So you scrub up nice when you choose to,huh? see what it did to your confidence level? Your spoken english,your finnese,the way you move,am so proud of the new you...so you're called beautiful...what's wrong with being beautiful? Embrace all your imperfections,drop your inhibitions and go conquer the world...you're beautiful Maj...in and out"

And that made my day,it boosted my spirit and you needed to see me punching dayo in the hostel when he dared to start the taunts again,everyone was in shock...I turned to them and said

"So I am back..I am now strong,yes,confident,yes and beautiful...oh yes,anyone got a problem with that?" Arching my brows confidently with my blood stained fists up and ready.

                       

                                                                           * * *
 Back at the pool,relaxing on the lounger,I took some sips of my freshly squeezed orange juice,turned to see my "beautiful" reflection on the glass window by the bar and strolled confidently to the pool and with a sleek jump,I dived into the pool as beyonce's God made you beautiful was playing on my mind

Lyrics- When you were born
The angels sighed in delight
They never thought they'd see such a beautiful sight

You took the breath
And the world was right again
Tears were shed
How we have been blessed

And your love, it shines so bright
You bring me back to life, back to life
You make everything right
And your love, it shines so bright
You bring me back to life, back to life
You got a light inside, light inside

 God made you beautiful
Beautiful, beautiful
God made you beautiful
Beautiful, you're beautiful

Well look at me
You were brought into my life
I kiss those little feet
And watch for your perfect smile
And when it comes
The world stops in your eyes
I found love
I found peace with the purest kind

And your love, it shines so bright
You bring me back to life, back to life
You make everything right
And your love, it shines so bright
You bring me back to life, back to life
You got that light inside, light inside

God made you beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
God made you beautiful
You're beautiful, you're beautiful

Thank God
(I get on my knees and pray)
Thank God for giving me a life
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
God made you beautiful

God made you beautiful
You're beautiful, you're beautiful
God made you beautiful
Beautiful, you're beautiful

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