Bills Bills Bills

Whoever says money doesn't buy happiness certainly doesn't know where to shop says feisty queen bee blair waldorf in gossip girl... my friend Dola would say "sure money can´t bring you happiness - like money and happiness could not go hand in hand. The longer version of the saying adds: "but it sure helps".



The morning on that wednesday started like every other day,exercises,breakfast and chilling at home,QT,Hamz and Karl were engaged in a banter in the living room while I was tidying up the kitchen,throwing out what's old and keeping the place inviting and clean,I wanted to get the work done fast and quickly shower as my body was getting sticky with sweat, making me uncomfortable,my blackberry placed on the kitchen shelf beeped continuously from friends and fans who needed my attention but I wanted to be done with chores before touching my phone so as not to rub it with grime and grease all over my hands.


"Mom left some money on the table for groceries" Karl said,walking towards to the tall refrigerator to pick a bottle of water,I looked up and sighed,wiping sweat and grease off my brow,nodding in response,taking deeply in the chill breeze that escaped from the refrigerator and letting out a deep exhale, "guess a spot of retail therapy would do a great good to my soul" I thought,going back to work with a pout,resenting my brothers for no show of support or even thank me for the work am doing.



Thirty minutes later,I was done with my chores and in the bathroom having my bath,I'd lighted candles and placed around the bathroom, sprayed some sweet-smelling perfume all over the place -- to make for scented candles,lol, added dried orange peels in the tub along with moisturizing aromatic body oils and a sprinkle of dried lavender flower ,blocked the tub hole to prevent water flowing away and run hot water into the tub,gently soaking myself in the relaxing mixture,the hot water stinging abit but I endured,the rich,sweet smell of lavender and the aromatic oil plus the perfume "cooked" together by the steam of hot vapour from the water created a relaxing ambience,tingling my nostrils and celine dion's "because you loved me" mesmerizing my senses,totally making me drift into a daydream of places of my fantasy...yeah,that's how I achieve my glow,lol,it's not all the time one spends money for spa treatments in this bad economy when you can get same treatment and results from homemade ingredients,I was having a really nice time


I must have forgotten to lock the door because mid-way through my relaxing bath,gently exfoliating my body with a sponge, the door suddenly flung open and Karl's head peered in

"What the hell?!" He queried as I splashed water all over with my legs in a startled state, almost screaming in fright,my face,the look of thunder,I was really upset now


"WHAT IN GOD'S NAME DO YOU WANT?... DIDN'T YOU LEARN TO KNOCK WHERE YOU CAME FROM?!"

I bellowed! Covering my modesty with my palms,tiny trail of smoke drifting away from the candles,which were put out by the splash of water

 "I heard soft music playing in the bath and could perceive some nice smell which DOESN'T smell like soap" stressing the "doesn't", he continued, " coming from the bath and I couldn't hear sounds of someone having a bath,so I decided to check...so again Maj..what the hell are you doing,are you trying to get into a trance or are you trying to have a voodoo stuff going on in here"

Karl asked,his lashes twinkling rapidly

"No dear brother,this is called,having a relaxing bath, spa-like,you know what spa means,don't you?" I said scornfully


"Oh lord Maj,what's come over you" he chided,coming into the bathroom now,running his hand through his tossled mop of wavy hair

"JUST GET OUT KARL,COMMON,AM NAKED HERE" I bellowed,he made to leave,seeing I wasn't taking it lightly

"Just be quick,so I drive you to the mall" he said with a note of finality and slam the door closed,I hissed,totally pissed that he ruined my moment,I couldn't go back to starting afresh so I stood up,took off the tub water stopper to allow the water flow away,turned on the shower and had a normal bath,hissing intermittently.

Decked in tartan-print skinny jeans,All-stars boots,with a nice black top and nerdy glasses,I was set for the mall. Descending the stairs into the sitting room,QT and Hamz howled excitedly,hailing my look,I didn't even look their way as I was still bitter towards them not giving a helping hand while I was cleaning the house,my not-smiling face pulled into a pout,sashaying towards the door,opened it and stepped out. Karl was busy checking up mom's toyota venza to make sure all is well before we set out,big sweat patch very visible on the armpits of his ash coloured long-sleeved shirt and chest which he wore over mid-night blue jeans and trainers

I fished out my phone from my pocket,ready to start responding to messages and as I made to open the door to the passenger seat of the car,Karl's callused palm from lifting weights and other heavy liftings around the house grabbed my arm and turned me around,holding me and staring into my eyes,he said

"Am sorry Maj,ok? I didn't mean to barge in on you like that or invade your privacy,am sorry"

I smiled at how at that moment,he looked like tough fighting but meek side of owen in nikita,though I appreciated the apology,I always love when a man has a sense of chivalry but between brothers?that action was quite not normal

"You're being serious Karl" I said with a smile,hitting him playfully on his abs,letting me free from his grip,I opened up the door and settled in,fastening my seat belt while he started the ignition and made our way to the mall  


Getting to the mall,we went through shelfs of detergents and other household needs and filled up 2 carts. Done with shopping,we pushed the grocery-filled carts to the cashier and in a typical swag of average mall shoppers,fished out my wallet stylishly and took out crisp new notes of one thousand naira notes and handed it over to the cashier who couldn't stop stealing glances at Karl with a smirk, she promptly counted the money and made calculations of all we got on a machine in front of her,looking up sadly,she told us we have to balance up with about five thousand naira more,my brows squeezed into a furrow of confusion

"That can't be?the money should be complete"

I quickly whipped out my shopping list and checked through

"Is everything alright?" Karl asked,looking over my shoulders to check the list I was holding

"Definitely not" I said shakily,other shoppers on the queue asking us to drop the goods and leave the queue if we can't pay,Karl turned to them to offer apologies,I continued
"the list I wrote,I made sure the money and the list of things align,now I can't understand how the money isn't complete"

I said frantically re-counting the money,Karl looking exasperated and running his hand through his hair,the cashier suggested we only buy goods our money can cover and come back some other time for the rest,I took out my atm card and presented it to the cashier to pay through POS but it declined my card due to network problems,the people on the queue were getting restless now and began shouting at us to leave, "we need all these things and I can't come back" I thought, Karl tried to beg the shoppers to calm down,turning to me immediately and asking me to drop the excess supplies and pay for the ones our money could cover,I sighed with defeat and decided to do just that when at that moment,someone on the queue muttered under his breath saying " fucking punk and his broke,white-trash friend...or maybe boyfriend,there are gays all over this days" ,this elicited muffled chuckles from himself,his female friend and two people behind them,I turned to look at them with a smile that says "I heard you", Karl made a move to confront them but I tried to pull him back, his angry eyes swiveled at me,jerking my hands off him,he moved towards the short and chubby man

"Excuse me mister? Were you referring to us with the statement you just made?" He asked in an angrily-cool manner,lol, towering over the man,his fists clenched and veins all now visible, I didn't even make any move to separate them,going ahead to pick the grocery that were most important and dropping ones that aren't , Karl is pissed,the man insulted us,he should get what he deserves,it isn't all the time that silence is golden and acting all gentleman-ly, some heavy fists to the mouth would teach him and by extension other onlookers some lesson not to spurt trash on strangers anyhow.

"Get out of my face young man,do you think because you are thick and strong looking,you can harass me? This is my country ok? Not yours"

The man fired back,this got Karl incensed,holding the man up by his collar,his face red with anger,he head-butted the man on the forehead which immediately swelled up,people around screamed,the man yelled,looking at Karl with fear and whimpering,my jaw fell open,his acquaintances calling for security,the cashiers all on a row stood up,watching with shocked expressions on their faces

"YOU LITTLE BLACK IMP! YOU DON'T CALL ME BROKE OR WHITE TRASH,UNDERSTOOD?"

Karl barked at him,shaking him vigorously,almost suffocating the man, his saliva sprinkling on the man's face,his female friend scratching Karl's arms

"Please mister,kindly go and separate your friend from the man na"

The cashier pleaded with me shakingly,I smiled

"He's my brother....half-brother" I said,putting provisions in the nylon given me,I continued

"And the man deserves what is coming to him" I said with a mischievous smirk,the cashier nodded her head in disbelief

By the time security arrived,able-bodied men amongst the crowd had separated them,the female companion of the man kept shouting,pointing accusing fingers at me being responsible for inciting my brother against the man. People naturally tried to calm my brother down,suddenly some of them developed american twang just to impress and seem well travelled,this made me smile,but the other man was screaming,moving back and calling us demons,promising to hurt us

"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM IN THIS FEDERAL CAPITAL..I WILL SHOW YOU....MAD DOG,I WOULD MAKE SURE YOU'RE DEPORTED SHAMEFULLY TO YOUR COUNTRY" he barked,continually feeling his swollen,red-looking forehead

"Ah,Ah! SEE MY HEAD,YOU WANT TO KILL ME BA! I WILL SHOW YOU"

This elicited laughter at some quarters and others tried to placate the man,some men were holding Karl,talking to him,preaching to him about respect but that was just making him even more upset

"Gentlemen,with all due respect,I come from a good home and our mom taught us good manners,that is my brother over there" he said,pointing at me, "calling us names,despite begging him to be patient,no,I won't take that,damn! He called me trash,white trash? God no!"

The men begged him to be patient and just forget the issue,I was summoned by the men and they apologised on behalf of the man,my grocery was already packed so,I thanked the men and the cashier who by now was already attending to other customers and we strolled out of the place,leaving the head-butted man and his friends still arguing in the mall.


Settling down in the car,Karl's breath just stabilizing,I held his arm,just as he was about to apply the brakes

"What happened in there K?" I asked solemnly

"What happened?" He asked,looking irritated

"Yes,what happened? You kept mentioning white trash ,that got you more bothered than the man calling us a couple", my brows arched

He sighed,stopped the ignition and turned to face me

" I hate when people call me that cos once upon a time,that was what I was....a white trash"

He sighed again,bowing his head

"Wha...a..at?" I stammered,nodding my head,looking confused, " white trash,what does that mean"

"Poor Maj,so dirt poor,yes Maj,I thought my dad got my mom knocked up and left us,abandoned his responsibility and fled,I was bitter for so long and I became wild,I joined the american army and you know the rest of the story" he sighed again "I really thought dad was some rich african prince with the way heather described him,I wanted to take revenge you know?"

I smiled,nodding my head in disbelief

"We aren't so different Karl,you know all about us don't you now? And did I hear you call your mother by her name?"

"Yes Maj,your mom is my mom,she's done a better job than my so called mom and so henceforth,she's heather to me" he said with a scowl

"No way!" I snapped, your mom did an amazing job ok? Don't judge her,she deserves your respect and how is my mom better than her? Huh?" I inquired

"They are both young when dad died", I shook abit,the "dad" and how he called it so...so familiarly,touched me,am not even used to the word

"Yet heather has gone ahead to remarry and mom is here,still true to our dad Maj"

I couldn't believe my ears, "WHAT? KARL? That is your reason for your disrespect towards your mom? Lord of mercy? you're not serious K, mom also remarried,but ended in a divorce" I reminded him

"Yes I know but it was pretty easy for her,mom waited many many years and simply married because she thought we needed a masculine hand"


I smiled,placing my hand on his shoulder,

"Karl,I don't want to ever hear you call your mother heather,ever again,you have no point,if you won't call her mom,call her by her new surname,you've gotten too attached to us,which is a good thing though but now feel like your mom is more like your sister or something" I counseled


"What would happen if I don't stop it" he said with a smile

I laughed, "you sleep in my room,eat the food I cook,trust me,there are so many things I can do to you"

We bursted out laughing,Karl started the ignition and we drove out

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