We
often hear or come across this statement which I had considered a
cliche about the mind being a powerhouse...How we are shaped by our
thoughts thus we become what we think, when the mind is pure, joy
follows like a shadow that never leaves, yada yada yada, in my opinion,
words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of
their reality but then again, learning never exhausts the mind, I'm
about to find out!
The rest of the ramadan fasting period went without
drama post DISS-TANT RELATIVE and now the only drama that I need to
quell was the one starting to billow in my head. The pertinent questions
about where the Kuwda blog is going and what I should be doing with my
life... sometimes, being unsure where life is taking you makes you so
scared.
It was a few days after the sallah "festive" celebration
following the ramadan fasting period and I guess I got sucked into one
of those worry-induced mood swings where I get really unhappy for no
cogent reason. I was lying on the cool tiled floor watching a repeat
episode of a telenovela series when Hamz sauntered into the sitting room
holding the hand of one of his female friends-with-benefit. They
greeted me and I just looked at them with the corner of my eyes as I was
too tired and sleepy at the time to even raise my upper body up and
respond properly to them, Hamz walked up to me and asked if I was
alright seeing as I looked dull like a water-soaked dough of bread, I
said I was fine and without pressing further, he excitedly turned around
quickly and went to take a sit beside his friend, moments later, I
dozed off!
I don't know for how long I had dozed off but I thought I
heard moans of pleasure, like I was walking alone along a lonely, sandy
street and then stopped in my tracks when I heard the moans. It must
have been a blend of reality and dream...a state of subconsciousness
because it felt like I was dreaming but channeled by the sounds my
sleeping body was hearing to direct how my dream went, there was a
slight giggle, like one who got tickled then a deeper moan, I shook and
woke up, I was still and tried to flick open my eyelids but felt glued
down by eye sugar...that sticky substance that gums your eye down and
you have to scratch it off to open your eyes, I did and in an initial
blurry view, I thought I saw Hamz's body in an animated motion on top of
his friend on the sofa making love, I was so mad that my brain was in
an instant flooding my mind with several ideas of what I should do to
make them pay or spoil their fun, I thought to stay still and let them
finish their little party or just feign a cough and get them jittery, I
couldn't decide but I felt Hamz is such a fool who totally disrespected
me and our house. As brothers, many would think I should let it pass...
mind over matter kind of thing, If I don't mind it then it shouldn't
matter hence allow him but do you know his track record with women? No, I
do mind and so this matters.
