The Adagiri Wives! (SEASON FINALE)

They are delectable, elegant and stunning, naturally in varying degrees...this based on the amount of natural beauty allotted each by God Almighty and the much...or less that they could garner from their own respective mothers to which undeniably and objectively, Mom holds sway.

All fast thinkers, good in varying proportion with anecdotes, metaphors and sarcasm, strong women, amazons in their own right, amazing mothers with a unifying title...MRS ADAGIRI...Meet the Adagiri Wives.

For the #Kuwda uninitiated, that is, a newbie fan, this is a basic intro. to the kind of women my late Dad and his 12 brothers married thus with this number of strong-willed women in one room naturally comes with it, a whole lot of drama! Their late mother-in-law and original Matriarch of the Adagiri family knew this and being a strong woman herself,  knowing this about the women, used that information to play the thirteen women like a game of chess, turning them against each other and stirring in them, a sense of intense competition and a common fear for her. Of course everything went pretty well for the original Matriarch with one glitch...Mom...she was the rebel, the one who dared their monster-in-law and challenged her at different occasions and when Dad had died and she was hounding Mom along with rest of the extended family, rather than wail and bemoan her fate, she had had the audacity to square up to a most feared woman in our immediate community.

Thus, the other wives thinking Mom must be some kind of super woman, would pitch sides with whoever seems to be having the upper hand whenever it was convenient. Long story short, the Matriarch has long passed on and her daughter, the new Matriarch who had inherited the long standing feud between Mom and her mom hope to keep the flame burning and Mom is clearly perturbed in the least but lately, it seems as though something has changed and we are to find out.

After the very annoying outing at our  cousin's wedding in ADAGIRI NUPTIAL , given how disappointed everyone were with the planning et al, this weirdly brought Mom and the new Matriarch closer when we all gathered at our family country home for the annual family reunion.

 72 HOURS EARLIER- It was a cold night, I couldn't sleep, I was ecstatic, it was 11:45 pm and at the stroke of midnight, it will be my birthday, so I stayed awake, awaiting flood of text messages, calls, etc from friends and acquaintances! The rest of my family were sound asleep. At midnight, no one called or texted, I was shocked because I felt let down by people who should know...if everyone forgot my birthday, my best friend shouldn't. Arranging my duvet to prepare myself to sleep by a quarter past midnight, his text came in and couple of other texts messages plus messages on Facebook, it made me smile. By morning, my family just wished me a happy birthday and we had a hearty breakfast where Mom then announced over food the date for the annual family reunion with Hamz quickly interjecting, saying he has plans and the family won't miss him if he doesn't attend as Mom's eyes went saucers in shock, shaking her head slowly in protest, she cut him short, telling him she doesn't like attending the reunions either but every son of the family has to attend and for security reasons, every mother accompanies their son so he has to go and whatever plans he had has to be cancelled or rescheduled. As the day progressed and my bothers took me out to fete me for my birthday, sponsored by Shalewa to obviously work my way into my heart and have an ally in me, Mom got dressed up to go visit her islamic marabouts just to make findings about our intended trip to the annual reunion to ensure all will be well. She was told to carry out some little acts of charity just to ward off trouble which she did.

 By evening, tired from our birthday hangout, Mom understood and suggested we all eat out so we went to eat at a nearby restaurant, she kept asking us to get our things ready to travel in 2days. The next day, while in my room folding my neatly ironed clothes into my traveling bag for the trip, my phone made a chat beep so I picked it up to see who it was and thus take a short break, it was one of my paternal cousins Qamas and he wanted to let me know he'd just stumbled upon my blog and had shown his mom who read through some posts and thought I must be foolish to not just talk about our immediate family on blog but also the rest of the family to entertain the world, asking who the hell do I think I am to do that and would definitely be bringing up the issue at the reunion...

Moonbows

When it rains...it pours, every drop pelting rooftops noisily like thousands of tiny baked clay, the night is dark, the air is cold and damp, the wind billows like Boreas' breath, forks of lightening strikes across the icy dark-blue sky, thunder rumbling like the earth is cracking and ready to throw up its contents...I shiver, we shiver...not literally but in the face of difficulties we were facing collectively as a family financially and emotionally, individually...Where is our Moonbow....What are Moonbows?

 Sallah celebration after the fasting was very lukewarm in the Adagiri household this year, apparently, the recession is still in full swing and everyone just pretty much kept a lowkey celebration! Mom had called me to discuss our plans for the day and what type of delicious meal will be cheaper to prepare,

"...I think white rice with stew will be better with beef...after all, we aren't giving out food to any of our neighbors or what do you think"

She asked me, I pondered over my thoughts for a bit and suggested fried rice will be cheaper, I opined,

"Tomatoes and peppers are now quite expensive, then we'll need much more vegetable oil than we'll need for fried rice, I think fried rice will be cheaper, the ingredients don't cost so much and it'll look more pleasing to the eyes than white rice and stew which we've been having literally all day every year"

I said with a chuckle, Hamz's voice interjected from behind suddenly, almost startling us, suggesting we go with fried rice, Mom twitched her lips irritated, saying she knows Hamz will go with fried rice to which he grinned happily from ear to ear,

 "Fried rice is bae anytime Mom"

He chuckled, Mom shook her head in a show of mock sadness, stood up to leave the sitting room then asked me to remind her about the money I will need for buying the items for the fried rice before she goes out to visit a friend before remembering something as her face squeezed into a puzzled frown, looked directly at me then went,

 "What of my mom? I would need to send some food to her and she obviously wouldn't like fried rice and as I'm low on cash, I wouldn't want to be cooking separate "feast" meals for us and another for her"

I couldn't immediately give a response as she looked at me for answer when Karl who just walked in on that conversation offered to help with some money,

 "My mom promised to send me some money tomorrow, so being the last working day before the sallah celebrations, I'll cash it and that should help out with the things we need"




We all smiled happily as Mom ruffled his tousled jet-black hair like a child!

 "Awww! That's so sweet, one could almost assume you're his black mother who gave birth to an almost white mullatto kid"

I said with a loud laugh, Mom smiled and replied as she left the room,

"He's my son, your father's son is my son, there's a reason fate and Natalie allowed me take on the role as his mom"

 I went, "awwww" again. On sallah day, everything went pretty well...ok, almost well because, I had a bathroom emergency at the Eid praying ground when for some weird reason, I had to quickly use the toilet to poo and being far from home, I quickly became sweaty and bothered as there was no public restroom in sight as Eid praying ground by Islamic standards are meant to be located almost outskirts of town or at least a neat and secluded area of town unless if the town planning or other reasons of security, etc doesn't permit it but in my case, it was actually within close proximity to residential buildings to the south and a sparse open land to the north  and had to run and look for a hidden corner in a bush to defecate...don't judge me... thank goodness I was with tissue paper and I still felt unclean and had to rush home, leaving my brothers wondering what the hell was wrong with me, so as to avoid "skid marks" on my boxers....if you know what I mean.

Maze of the mind.

We often hear or come across this statement which I had considered a cliche about the mind being a powerhouse...How we are shaped by our thoughts thus we become what we think, when the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves, yada yada yada, in my opinion, words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality but then again, learning never exhausts the mind, I'm about to find out! 

 

The rest of the ramadan fasting period went without drama post DISS-TANT RELATIVE and now the only drama that I need to quell was the one starting to billow in my head. The pertinent questions about where the Kuwda blog is going and what I should be doing with my life... sometimes, being unsure where life is taking you makes you so scared.

 

 It was a few days after the sallah "festive" celebration following the ramadan fasting period and I guess I got sucked into one of those worry-induced mood swings where I get really unhappy for no cogent reason. I was lying on the cool tiled floor watching a repeat episode of a telenovela series when Hamz sauntered into the sitting room holding the hand of one of his female friends-with-benefit. They greeted me and I just looked at them with the corner of my eyes as I was too tired and sleepy at the time to even raise my upper body up and respond properly to them, Hamz walked up to me and asked if I was alright seeing as I looked dull like a water-soaked dough of bread, I said I was fine and without pressing further, he excitedly turned around quickly and went to take a sit beside his friend, moments later, I dozed off!

 

 I don't know for how long I had dozed off but I thought I heard moans of pleasure, like I was walking alone along a lonely, sandy street and then stopped in my tracks when I heard the moans. It must have been a blend of reality and dream...a state of subconsciousness because it felt like I was dreaming but channeled by the sounds my sleeping body was hearing to direct how my dream went, there was a slight giggle, like one who got tickled then a deeper moan, I shook and woke up, I was still and tried to flick open my eyelids but felt glued down by eye sugar...that sticky substance that gums your eye down and you have to scratch it off to open your eyes, I did and in an initial blurry view, I thought I saw Hamz's body in an animated motion on top of his friend on the sofa making love, I was so mad that my brain was in an instant flooding my mind with several ideas of what I should do to make them pay or spoil their fun, I thought to stay still and let them finish their little party or just feign a cough and get them jittery, I couldn't decide but I felt Hamz is such a fool who totally disrespected me and our house. As brothers, many would think I should let it pass... mind over matter kind of thing, If I don't mind it then it shouldn't matter hence allow him but do you know his track record with women? No, I do mind and so this matters. 

Diss-tant Relatives

The role of family in any society cannot be overemphasized and in a place like Africa, more so West-Africa and Nigeria to be precise, family is everything, they shape us, mould us, serves as a form of security, the list is endless.

Our society in this part of the world is hugely patriarchal and emphasis is placed on the male children and the unity of all offspring of the male line of the family even though in our case, we are closer to our matriarchal cousins than our patriarchal's but try to get along just  to make our patchy relationship work. It was a few days to ramadan and I was on my bed on a humid morning, reading a novel, the past couple of weeks had been particularly hard on me because this year has been the slowest on #Kuwda and it bothered me a lot that I couldn't do much about the situation amongst other personal issues disturbing my thoughts so in other to stop myself from worrying, I decided get lost in the reverie of reading a novel. Karl came into our shared room moments later looking a little outwardly disheveled with a rather serious expression, I looked up from my book wearing a suspicious look on my face about him that says he had been up to something especially so as he was avoiding eye contact with me.

 He picked up his heavy "daddy" towel and went straight into the bathroom, I smiled inwardly as I sensed he was going to have the Islamic cleansing bath "Janabah" after meeting a woman...obviously Shalewa, I continued reading and few minutes later, Karl came out of the bathroom, staring straight at me with a knowing smile, I just shook my head with a smirk and continued with my novel,

 "You should know Shalewa and I are now sort of official...don't judge the girl and I'm a man, I've taken my time before dating so you wouldn't call me a player and.."

Scars to my beautiful.

Wisps of condense white smoke floated beautifully in the air around in the living room, saturating the atmosphere with a rich sweet smell of Arabian incense emanating from the dipping red glow end of a stick of burning incense stuck in wax as the pitch of bass male voices of Islamic clerics undulated rhythmically in high and low tones while reciting Quranic verses for the repose of our late father.

It is Dad's annual remembrance and it's amazing to know that it's been over two decades already since his demise and how rather unconsciously, time has really healed us as we had  taken solace in God's love and protection over us through the years.

Earlier in the morning while having a light breakfast, Hamz had asked why Mom wasn't crying as she was now accustomed to doing almost every year, shockingly,  she scoffed and said there was no need to as a lot of years had passed and she has been healed over time as it isn't so fresh in her mind again. Hamz asked if she still loves Dad to which she affirmed with rapids nods while taking a sip of tea then she responded with a question, asking us to be honest that if the tables were turned and she was the one who had transited to the great beyond, would our Dad still be single to this day, to which we all gave a knowing smile of what the answer definitely would be which is an outright no, although I couldn't help but assume in my mind that the many hurts and disappointments Dad had put Mom through from beyond the grave with Karl's existence, issues about his shares' dividends and how it should be shared amongst other ugly surprises had contributed immensely to her gradually becoming emotionally numb to his remembrance.

Stuck in a daydream?

- "Give up already...enough of this charade" 

- "What is this? A Kardashian-like show? You can't be serious are you?"

- "You paint a fairy tale with your stories, you are not realistic, no one would be interested"

- " Keeping up with d Adagiris? What the hell? Lol, Maj, please get a job".

 I sat on the bare floor at one corner of my room, looking straight ahead with a pout, dejected and forlorn from being heavily weighed down by depression and worry as I contemplated over my reality blog "Keeping up with d Adagiris" and why I had started it sometime in 2009 as negative reactions I had gotten over time resurrected and blended with new ones people recently hurled at me, all floating freely around my head which were pulling me down, sapping my energy, stealing my joy and igniting feeling of inadequacies towards my posts as I began to dislike my write ups, thinking they weren't good enough despite a few friends calling to assure me they were all amazing and I should rather work on snapping out of my depressive mood fast.

Naturally, I thought they were being nice because they were my friends and turned to my siblings who although love me to bits, would most likely give me their frank assessment of my posts and luckily, they did which gave me some morale boost. "Luckily" because even though my brothers have being generally supportive, their support can be fickle, on and off depending on their mood, especially "off" when we have a fight wherein they give a scathing review of the blog in which sometimes lie a bit of truth but overall, they have been pretty frank and truthful of their appraisal of the blog which leaves me dealing with the haters and gloom predictors whose words sometimes cut deep like a knife and on one of such occasion left me crying in the shower after an online troll made fun of me and the KUWDA blog of being a wannabe and struggling to be a hit since 2009.

Spine of steel

I was busy with the preparation of food for dinner, chopping vegetables, onions, et al when Karl walked briskly into the kitchen where I was, held me from behind by ringing his arms around my waist, grinding his bulge against my thighs and giving me a peck behind my earlobe as I swiftly turned to look at him, wondering if he was high. His hair tousled beautifully in a bed mess, he retreated from me and asked if I liked it,

"What? Karl? Are you alright? Ofcourse not I didn't like that, you sure you okay?"

Paranoia

Paranoia! It has probably happened to all of us at some point in our lives whilst others deal with it on a daily. It is the irrational fear of being unsafe or a schizophrenic assumption something bad is about to happen to one. I reckon paranoia comes in many forms but mine is usually centered on health.

MAJ- (On the phone)- Hey Tchubs, Am so scared, I have this splitting headache that's making me dizzy, I don't want to take pain relievers cause I learnt they cause liver damage in the long run, I think it's making me dizzy or do you think I'm short on blood?

TCHUBS- *Deep sighs* You're not serious Maj, seriously? You have the solution to your problem right in front of you and you're spitting B.S about the meds causing liver damage? Don't bother me please.... You have issues, Sheesh! 

Nairas, Dollars and Pesewas!

It was around the middle of the ramadan period when news got to us that my paternal cousin, Aunt Wati had given birth to a bouncing baby girl, her sixth and hopefully final child. According to her, her family planning had failed and thus had taken in, so now that she's given birth and being in the middle of the fasting period, the naming ceremony for the tot was postponed till after the fasting period so the ceremony could be fully enjoyed and attendance in full. Aunt Wati is our late Dad's niece, her father, also late is Dad's elder brother and her mother being Mom's sister-in-law with whom in company of other sisters-in-law were bullied for years by their Mother-in-law, now late and former Matriarch of the Adagiri family, the title which has been taken over by her daughter as read in THE DEVIL QUOTES SCRIPTURES.

Soundtrack to my life!

Mood!

Being Maj has been quite the roller coaster of sort...a pot pouri of events, good and bad, occurrences, spontaneous and planned, highs and lows, blows and exhilarations, cries and laughter, life's crosses and reliefs, baggages and freedom, sweats and yields, losses and gains and through every stage and step on this journey, music has being a great part of it all.

Music for me is a form of art of sound in a particular pattern or rhythm capable of steering or evoking different emotion in you depending on how you feel at that moment. It's one of my go-to source for calm, inspiration, excitement and therapy. This post couldn't adequately detail the entire soundtrack to my life but I would try to share a few lessons-in-songs you could take away from my life so far. 

Campaign of calumny

Mom arrived a while later after the policemen and the lawyer et al had left, she was so strong not to have broken down at the sight of her house put under lock and key and her belongings and kids all outside staring dejectedly into space. She assessed our whole belongings and asked if nothing was missing or broken, we shook our heads affirming nothing was missing, Hamz then asked what we were going to do next,

 "Where do we move to Mom?"

Tsunami

God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow or sun without rain but he did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for the way..If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it.

This powerful quote sums up the faith and trust my family and I had in God on this day that eruptions of drama of volcanic proportions exploding in seismic waves into a tsunami barraged through the front door in human clothing that happened to us...it was  a day that was literally earth-shattering indeed!

Sex with simi!

FORWARD- This post contains explicit sexual and erotic content..do read at your own discretion!

Kimmy phase

The morning was bright, the sun was up and seemed to beam in a smile emoticon manner upon the city, its rays red as it gradually simmered up the earth, everywhere was calm and still, the only bits of noise came from a flock of tiny lemon-coloured birds that chirped noisily outside as they hover between branches of trees that swayed back and forth. It must be around nine am, I was busy having breakfast on the dining table, cutting and dipping chunks of bread into my hot tea before moving the soaked loaf into my mouth whilst staring through the window at our compound when QT sauntered by from his room upstairs and playfully tapped me on my shoulders as he's wont to do to say hello, I gently turned to look at him as I took the last bit of bread into my mouth and said good morning with my mouth full, he gave me a warm smirk and pulled a chair to sit with me, staring intently into my face which instantly made me uncomfortable,

 "Wasup?"

I asked, he nodded affirming he was okay, he then sighed and said he needed to get married, the bombshell of a statement hit me unexpectedly some tea got into my windpipe and came through my nose as I stood up aghast with my face down and my mouth open to breath and calm down,

"Do you want to kill me? What is wrong with you?"

Lemonade

Mom beamed happily from ear to ear as she sashayed down the two rows of stairs leading into the sitting room from the dining area, cladded in a gold sequined body-fitting gown which hugged her womanly curves while the dress shone brightly, deflecting rays all over the place on catching the rays of light turned on around the house whilst  holding two glasses of chilled drinks in hand, walking towards her longtime pal from akwa-ibom state, Madam Effiong,

"What's this one oo my friend?"

Madam Effiong asked on sighting the off-yellow pale-coloured drink Mom was handing her, feigning mock alarm as Mom smiled,

"It's lemonade my friend, don't worry, I won't poison you!"

Taking up the gauntlet?

Mom kept screaming, hitting the car seats and vibrating with anger in the back seat of the car on our trip back home, she was livid and embarrassed after what transpired at the new Matriarch's son's wedding as read in WAR OF ATTRITION and it was only natural for her to react that way, Karl who was behind the wheels kept urging her to be calm while I, quietly seated beside her at the back seat, calmly looked on at her, allowing her vent her anger out, she was so emotional and her eyes tearful but obvious she was trying her best to pull herself together.

War of attrition

War must be!...Whether between countries , states, individuals or even families, this is part of life and while we defend our lives against a destroyer who would devour all which is instinctively essential but I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend.

What better way to introduce this post than a poetic way which aptly sums up our perennial extended family drama.  More often than not, everyone knows the beginning of a war but not all knows the ending, am not exactly a fan of drama especially when it involves family but dramas are a part of life aren't they? And when it is within a family...it is called war...a war of attrition.

Intellectual nuisance

The heat wave experienced in the country these past few months have been really traumatizing, the nights are very warm and houses very hot...literally, leaving one waking up soaked in sweat...that is if you could get any sleep at all, while the day is characterized by scorching heat which feels as though hades' breath is being unleashed on humanity and with the fuel scarcity in the country plus epileptic power supply and poor water supply,  it had spurred depression amongst the populace to astronomical heights, people are now easily irritated and sensitive, weary and easily tired. I really feel for Karl as he's now forced to live in tank tops and singlets, gulping chilled water every two minutes, don't even get me started on women who might be going through menopause that I've seen around, what with the hot flashes they have to cope with in these times, whew!

So on a typical saturday morning, the heat gradually simmering our blood as there was no power and we couldn't get fuel to turn on the generator or charge the inverter, Hamz, QT and Karl had to peel the rug off the floor and lay shirtless on bare tiled floor to keep cool, so I thought I should help make us brothers feel better by feeding us all some intellectual meal....(Exactly what we needed isn't it?, lol).

Dawgs have no soul 2

I kept running in circles, confused and distraught, totally at a loss at what next to do  while Garba jumped up and down, urging me to quickly call Mom, I thought I should do that but I didn't want to alarm our poor Mom at work, she's had a lot on her plate lately and I didn't want to compound her worries by breaking this news to her, assuring myself I could handle this at least to a reasonably mitigated extent before alerting Mom about it but I couldn't hear myself think as Garba practically kept shouting in my ear for me to call Mom as neighbors who had saw the whole fracas gone down began to gather to ask questions and knowing how neighbors can be with their talent at spreading gossip at an alacritious speed, I needed to save my brother's face by feeding them a false story, a rape story would not help Hamz and by extension us too so I simply jerked myself to reality as though I was initially lost in thought and told those who gathered with their faces etched with lines of fake worry that he had a fight with someone and Mom had asked the men to come and take him away to be dealt with, they sighed with relief, saying Mom was being harsh as they departed to their houses one by one.

Dawgs have no soul 1

Na na, Na na, Na na, eh!
I bet you start loving me
Soon as I start loving someone else
Somebody better than you
I bet you start needing me
Soon as you see me with someone else
Somebody other than you
And I know that it hurts
You know that it hurts your pride
But you thought the grass was greener on the other side
I bet you start loving me
Soon as I start loving someone else
Somebody better than you

 The sonorous and melodious voice of Ciara's "I bet" song nicely blended with its instrumentals and studio work that went into making it a worldwide hit filtered out of the sound system in my room whose separate speakers with a remote control allows you to adjust the system from anywhere in the house, with a built in amplifier that delivers 18W of high quality audio with some serious, spine-tingling, reverberating bass making the song the more richer...the  speakers brought by Karl  along with him when he left the united states permanently to live with us. I lay splayed on the bed, lying on my tummy in nothing but my canary yellow briefs whose cotton material hugged my pelvic region deliciously tight as my soul connected to the song on an emotional level, twitching my ass cheeks to flow with the rhythm of the music since I couldn't possibly groove to the music while lying down.

Not sooner than suddenly, the flow of my music  got interrupted by the startling sound of my phone's ringtone, the phone ringing  from where it was on the bedside stool and on picking and checking who was calling, it was Nicole, Karl's mom, I was really surprised as I instantly sat up with the phone in my hand, picking the stereo remote to turn down the volume all the way down with my lips parted in surprise as we haven't heard from her in a month...atleast, she hadn't talked to me directly, so I looked transfixed, not knowing whether to quickly go and give Karl as I quickly processed in my head she might have wanted to reach Karl but couldn't get him but yet again, I thought since she's calling me, I could  just go ahead and pick it and if she wants to speak with Karl, I rush and give it to him not knowing he wasn't even in the house as he had gone on a stroll with QT. So I went ahead and picked it.

"Hello baby boo!"