Wednesday, 27 January 2016

The devil quotes scriptures

The air was cold and crisp, a feeler of sort to a gentle wind blowing around whistling quietly in motion, softly sweeping dried leaves in whatever direction it blew, dull haze hung densely  in the air, the result of the harmattan season which hints at a more harsh weather in the coming months, everywhere in our family country home compound was still and quiet until an hour later when the haze seemingly melted at the touch of the early morning sun rays, giving way to a clear and bright atmosphere thus seemingly bringing the town to life and a lot of people towards our country home.

 It's been 24 hours since the Matriarch had been buried and the family had been receiving visitors and sympathisers nonstop who kept thronging our expansive country home to condole with us. Mom was beginning to feel slightly overwhelmed by all the constant sighing, sobbing and hugging, she didn't think as a daughter-in-law who wasn't even loved by the late Matriarch, that it was necessary for her to be with the family to receive visitors but the rest of the daughters-in-law began to arrive one by one, giving financial constraints to getting permission from work and school as excuse amongst other reasons for coming late so Mom out of respect and courtesy didn't want to declare her intention to leave just when others were arriving.


As we all gathered for yet another rounds of prayer for the repose of the late Matriarch, Hamz who was bored beyond measure started chatting and browsing on his smartphone, carefully hidden underneath the excess length of his flowing jalamia, I kept yawning, wishing I could disappear from there when thankfully, Hamz turned excitedly towards me, whispering into my ears,

 "Do you know souls have weight?"

 He started,

"They weigh  an approximately 21 gramms, can you believe that?"

He grimaced, I gesticulated animatedly, mouthing "Yaay" as though sounding excited and curious, more from trying to distract myself from the never ending sermons about death and the hereafter than being actually interested in what he has to say, I told Hamz to tell me more, he adjusted himself properly and clearing his throat, whispered on,

"According to series of research conducted on tuberculosis patients who were evident were going to die, they were placed on industrial scales to weigh pre and post death measures and when calculated, it is estimated at 21 gramms, the  soul is quite heavy hence dead bodies after a while begin to float on water...the soul has by then departed the body  and did you also know the last sense to be lost when a body dies is the sense of hearing? The eyes melt immediately the body dies, the sense of taste vanishes, then the smell goes away, then the sense of touch and finally the sense of hearing, so a dead person could actually hear screams or cries few minutes after death, that's why muslims are enjoined to pray for the dead immediately rather than crying...Oh and the same experiment was conducted on dogs and no readings emerged meaning dogs have no souls...isn't that strange?"

I nodded totally enthralled with his lecture, asking him where he got the information from and he showed me his phone with the post displayed on the homepage of the site on his phone's screen, just about that moment, Aunt Barakat cleared her throat to call our attention and made a sign for us to shut our mouths and concentrate on the prayer, giving us a rather condescending side eye, we stealthily rolled our eyes and concentrated on the prayer.

After the imams and islamic clerics had gone along with the swarm of people who had joined us for the prayer, leaving just us members of the Adagiri family, it became imperative we needed to have a family meeting to discuss the next line of action and who would be head now that the Matriarch is gone, Aunt Barakat's paternal uncle stood up to address us all , thanking us all for honouring the mother of the family on her death, acknowledging that although the Matriarch had hurt each and everyone of us in the past, it wasn't her intention to hurt anyone knowingly but that it was the only way she could express her love,

 "...She's all about tough love"

 He opined sending a buzz of murmur simmering through the entire family, he continued, stating that since the family needed a head to guide them through this difficult time, he was picking Aunt Barakat to be the head, this sent some grown and elderly men who are members of the large family and like uncles to us springing up to their feet, stamping and cursing in protest saying they couldn't have a woman preside over the affairs of the family, they assert

 "We get why by virtue of being the lady of the manor, the late Matriarch was the head of the family but now that she's gone, a man has to take over the reins of leadership",

 Aunt Barakat felt offended and clapped back, soon tempers were flying and things got heated while the wives married into the family watched in dismay but kept mute while the family members dragged the issue and after what seemed like forever, Aunt barakat was picked to be the interim leader, this seemingly turned the tummies of Mom and the other wives, Barakat is pro-matriarch and with her being the leader, they saw no end to their plight. Barakat stood up, adjusted her long, flowing white veil and clearing her throat, she gave her speech,

 " I greet everyone of you, I feel immensely humbled to be given the chance to steer this family through this difficult period. My mother, the late Matriarch was a good woman,"

This sent a quiet murmur through the wives and the children as Barakat gave our direction a bit of an icy stare, not pertubed by the buzz instead continuing with her speech

 "A woman of substance which is evident in the turn out of people to her burial, she might seem a bit  high handed but she did them for love and unity of the family, she made rules not to punish us or make our lives hell but to unite us, the quran says in sura't Al- maida..."

Hamz and a couple of our cousins feigned coughing as Barakat intended to start quoting the Quran, Mom stylishly covered her mouth to smile, Barakat continued

 " That "We have appointed a law and a practice for every one of you. Had God willed, he would have made you a single community, but he wanted to test you regarding what has come to you, so compete with each other in doing good. Everyone of you will return to God and he will inform you regarding the things in which you differed" .

A couple of us sighed wearily all around as the Matriarch's beloved daughter continued,

 "I believe occupying this position is of God because he wants me to even though it's in interim capacity...the issue of the family wealth which all the male grandchildren are entitled to, I want to state that, it is being invested and protected from corrupt individuals who wear the mask being relative and trusted family members who are trying to swindle the family and pocket the money for their own selfish interest"

She looked mischievously the way of some uncles who earlier protested her assumption as head of the family whilst continuing,

 " Corruption is bad, to swindle people of their inheritance is a grave sin before God"

 She looked the way of the uncles again, taking all our gazes with her to them, she adjusted her blouse in a show of pomposity continuing,

 " Sur'at Al Baqara verse 205 says "God does not love corruption" So whoever knows they have allowed their souls to be tainted by the spirit of corruption should seek God's face" .

Mom clasped her palms around her head wearily, ostensibly tired out by this theatrical show of family politics and an apparent play on the intelligence of the rest, she looked the way of other wives who all contorted their faces in exasperation but sighing in resignation, Barakat rapped on, talking about humility and quoting verses from the Qu'ran and sayings of the holy prophet muhammed (saw) to knowledge, integrity, et al while finalising her speech on leadership and what to expect of her,

 "The prophet Muhammed (saw) said that "The worst of guardians is a cruel ruler, beware of becoming one of them", I promise to do my best in being a just guardian and my doors are always open. With this, I thank you all for listening. Some parcels of money has been packaged for each family to buy fuel for their cars on their way home. We would all convene here God willing at the coming family reunion, I hope we would all be there inshaAllahu, have a blissful and safe journey back to your respective homes".

 With a sigh of relief, we all quickly dispersed whilst engaging in conversation between ourselves on our way out.

 "What do you think of Aunt Barakat's speech Maj?"

 Karl asked me as we started on our trip back to the nation's capital,

" Oh me?"

 I asked, taken unawares

 "I have no words...she's obviously scheming, she's phoney"

 I said, Hamz scoffed whilst giving me a side glance,

 "What are you saying Maj?...That's the fucking devil quoting scriptures...let's all watch our backs and say a prayer of protection next time we are in her midst in case lightening strikes, don't say I didn't warn you guys" 

 KEEP UP

20 comments:

  1. Who knows, with a disciple-in-a-daughter that aunt barakat is to the matriarh, there isn't an end in sight to all the family drama,whew!
    -Louise priddy, england

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  2. This is a dope writeup maj, how you describe events so vividly is commendable and your brother's expose on souls and their weight is so enlightening, thanks for sharing your talent with us and to aunt barakat, the something something doesn't ll at the same place twice (forgive me, forgot the proverb) but if she thinks because her mother got away with her evil ways, she will take up from there, she might just burn.
    -Lola, USA

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  3. the drama never ends and calling your aunty a devil in my opinion is disrespectful even if she's wrong, what if she sees this post? family is overrated anyway
    -Gregory, barbados

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  4. As the kim of your family maj, you seem to be letting alot of things slide, cmon, take charge and speak up against family oppresors
    -Ruth, kwara

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  5. very interesting piece maj and is hamz suddenly getting intellectual by reading alot? and if dogs have no soul, how come they are man's best friend?
    Lisa Leeds, scotland

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  6. The adagiri family...i see more drama from barakat
    VAUGHAN PH

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  7. i know their type maj, those relatives who are quick in quoting holy books but are villains in lamb clothing, as hamz said, you guys need to be careful and i don't understand why you must attend every event happening in that family
    -Ahmed, offa

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  8. you're talented maj, never give up
    -Bunmi, lagos

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  9. you always hit the nail on the head with your titles, you rock maj
    -SALLY, GREECE

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  10. dogs have no soul? good lawd
    -monalisa, kaduna

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    Replies
    1. @monalisa is that all you learned from this post?
      -Yusuf abuja

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  11. aunt barakat is obviouslt taking over..al hail the new matriarch
    -Bode, south africa

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  12. things are about to get really interesting,lolz

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    Replies
    1. i know right? the adagiri family are very intriguing
      -Bosede, ondo

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  13. more episodes, our appetites are whet

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  14. one word..awesome

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  15. souls are amazing gift from God..ofcourse they couldn't be weightless
    -Yinka omobriowo

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  16. so much fun reading your posts man
    -damola

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  17. nice piece but you should have described to us the kind of woman barakat is, is she middle aged? a grand mother herself or what? nothing about her personality other than she's the matriarch's daughter and supporter,only the pic you used gave a hint at her age and look
    -AUGUSTINE, MALTA

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