Close shave

If there's something I dislike so much about Mom,it is her penchant for embarrassing her children to make herself look good. She has a habit of calling out your flaws in public...(by public,this means mostly amongst family members and friends) to show people she's doing her best to correct you but you've refused to heed her calls.

The looks I threw my Mom albeit furtively that fateful hot tuesday afternoon could literarily kill an elephant,I was beyond pissed. Admittedly,I don't pray the five daily prayers as often as I should and at the right time which I know is not something I should be proud of but the way Mom called me out that hot afternoon in the presence of her siblings and their children in our compound was so humiliating,comparing me to my cousins whom I witnessed when they were born as the former threw me a condescending look of pity and I couldn't do any thing as Mom already disparaged me before their eyes,I angrily walked past her into the house as she followed me,asking me to stop,I didn't and kept walking on,my anger level rising steadily,she kept shouting and when I'd had enough,I swiftly turned around to face her and told her to stop comparing me to other people's children so I won't compare her to other people's mothers,


"WHAT? MAJEED? DID YOU JUST SAY THAT TO ME?"

She thundered,

"OFCOURSE MOM,WHY DO YOU KEEP HUMILIATING YOUR KIDS BEFORE YOUR SIBLINGS? IT IS SO WRONG,I DON'T COMPARE YOU TO OTHER PEOPLE'S MOTHERS,SO DON'T COMPARE ME TO OTHER PEOPLE'S CHILDREN"

I fired back,my gaze darting with fury,Mom paused for a few seconds,before her face went sober and just as I'd immediately guessed,she whipped out her best attack weapon,her emotional blackmail face,asking me if it was her I was screaming at,

"Majeed! I carried you in my womb for nine months and pushed you into this world,do you know the pain and stress you put me through from when you were in my belly? And now you dare raise your voice at me?"

Oh mother! She's very good at emotionally blackmailing one,contouring her face in grief but I fought back the urge to give in and be remorseful,I simply told her what she did was bad and should stop rubbing all her efforts over me in,

"Yes Mother,you are my Mom and I appreciate all you've done for me but if you hurt me,why shouldn't I say it?"

She stood back,looking at me totally surprised,her arms locked together over her chest,I stood still for a while,lowering my gaze with a pout,waiting for her to rain expletives at me but instead,she sighed and turned back,walking down the stairs towards the front door leading out to the compound,I shrugged my shoulders and turned to open the door to QT and Hamz's room, Hamz sat on his bed with a small mirror in hand examining something on his head,he spoke first,

"So what's up with Queen bee and her little princess?"

He asked,I hissed,slumping tiredly on the bouncy bed,the action which threw the mirror off his hand as Hamz's face squeezed into a frown,standing from the bed to pick up the mirror from the floor when I noticed the small whitish rough moulds sparingly spread on the center of his head,I made to touch his head and get a clearer view but he quickly slapped my hand off,I shouted at him to let me see what is on his head as apparently,it recently just appeared as it wasn't there before,

"I don't know what it is"

Hamz started,continuing,

"I think it's an infection from using a public hair clipper at the barbing salon some weeks back"

I nodded sarcastically and told him to allow me take a proper look and hesitatingly,he agreed,I held his head and gave it a quizzical look then suddenly gasped at the thought of what I thought it was,

"WARTS HAMZ"

I exclaimed,he gave me a confused look,asking me what warts are,

"AH! HAMUZA! You have warts on your head,it's a form of virus ooo, have you been having unprotected sex?"

Hamz's heart must have skipped several beats as he jumped up startled,

"Virus? Ah, Oh my God,I've not had sex for weeks now and not..unprotec..."

He screeched with a stammer to a halt mid-sentence as he scratched his head,while I gave him an indulging look,he knew I know him much more than anyone in this world and knows well not to lie to me,he continued,

"Ok...maybe I let slip a few times...just a few times and the girls most certainly can't have virus...I mean..."

I pouted my lips and flipped my eyelids rapidly,he knew what that means and sighed,

"What do we fucking do now? I can't possibly be having a virus,ah Maj!"

He exclaimed,wearing a gloomy look,almost in tears,I sighed and told him we would have to see a doctor and get advice,

" AH Maj,doctor ke! Nooo,please,how do you want me to face a doctor and tell him I've been sexually active and bare the results of that on my head to him,ah,Maj,please come up with something better...even though am thinking you are being alarmist by saying this is caused by some virus I must have contracted"

This statement irked me as I stood up sharply,looking him from head to toe with a disdainful look that could literarily pierce a soul,I responded,

"You think am being alarmist eh Hamz? Ok na,I would go downstairs now and inform your mother about the weird stuff on your head and you know the mother you have,she would press to see it and if she does and knows what it is,you can only imagine the hell you would have just invited upon yourself"

Hamz rushed at me to hold me and begged me,saying he must have spoken out of turn and ostensibly still in shock about the news I'd just broken to him,

"All I thought was that it's some infection from the clipper and something damatol cream or funbact A cream would sort,am scared big brother"

He said soberly,giving me a baby-ish look knowing fully well how to get me with him calling me "big brother",I feigned annoyance and with a sigh,I paced seriously around the room with my hand on my waist,trying to act like am brainstorming on what we should do,Hamz stood still,fear stricken,thinking with the way am deeply in thought as to what to do,it must be something serious,he suddenly exclaimed in fear,rubbing his hands over his head,his eyes now teary,I faced him and told him to calm down,

"I got you ok baby bro?! I got you but first things first.."

I said  stopping mid-sentence when the door opened and QT walked in,

"What's happening here guys? Why is Hamz looking this way and why are your hands on his shoulders"

He said addressing me while walking on to his wardrobe to drop a pant trouser he went to amend at the tailor's shop down the street,neither of us said anything till he turned to leave the room,he asked again,

"Are you sure you guys are alright?"

I smiled and told him we were fine,

"Hamz was just asking some questions and am providing answers"

He nodded then asked what were on Hamz's head,he didn't wait to get an answer as he walked out immediately,slamming the door after him,Hamz exclaimed saying if it's that obvious,it means soon,everyone would inquire and they would know what it is,I shook him vigourously by his shoulders and asked him to calm down,

"Sit"

I commanded,I took his phone from him and googled what warts were,including checking for images of warts to be sure it looked exactly like the ones on Hamz's head.


Almost immediately,it brought out a list of results and he peeking beside me,we hum-read the first result site I clicked,

"Warts are small,self-limited tumours.."

I read out as Hamz interrupted me when he exclaimed,

"AH TUMOURS"

I turned to face him,asking him to shut up and continued reading,

"...caused by human papillomavirus infecton"

He interjected again,

"Eh! Virus ooo,Ah,am done for"

He wailed,with the first tear trickling out of his eye,I sighed and told him to calm down,we read further and got aware that anal and vaginal warts are mostly caused by STIs and that there are various types of warts which includes, common,flat,plantar,periungal and filiform warts,

"So since we aren't sure which type of wart it is,we would have to go and see a doctor ok? Don't fret,I would be coming with you"

I assured,Hamz sighed and asked where we would get money to pay for consultation fees and money for drugs,I smiled and told him we would go to Mom's office clinic at maitama in abuja,

"I know Mom's I.d card number and since we are beneficiaries in her health plan,they can't deny us access to fantastic health care services"

I said with a broad smile,Hamz heaved a sigh of relief and asked us to go straight away,I nodded telling him we couldn't go till the next day,

"In the meantime,you should get a headwarmer and put on to hide the warts"

He nodded in agreement. That evening while having dinner,Mom joked about Hamz's head wear and his sudden interest in it,we all smiled while Hamz and I shared knowing glances.

The next day,after breakfast and Mom had left for work,Hamz and I got dressed up and were leaving for the hospital in maitama when Karl asked where we were going,i lied about a pal of mine I wanted to go and see and Hamz declared interest in going with me,

"You guys know the situation in town right? No fuel,hike in prices of public transport and terrible traffic jam,you sure you don't want to postpone this trip?"

He asked,holding his pair of playstation pad he was playing with QT who simply watched on,

"Na,don't mind,we would be fine"

He nodded and we left. It took a while before we could get a cab in the early scorching sun but thankfully,we got one and through the snarly traffic,we finally got to the hospital and we went into the plush clinic.

Whipping out my best grammar and sophisticated countenance,I explained why we were there and asked if we could see the consultant on seat,the receptionist gave us a slight quizzical look and sarcastically asked if we were staff of the organisation,I smiled proudly,

"Ah no! Our Mom is,I know her I.d number,so I'm just going to quote that to you so you enter it into your system and direct us where to go"

She looked at us furtively suspicious as she passed me a sheet of paper and pen to write down the I.d which I stylishly did as Hamz slightly rolled his eye,presumely at what I was trying to achieve with me going all sassy at a hospital receptionist,she said the I.d went through and called out Mom's name,

"Mrs H.O Adagiri right of the G.M.D's office ?"

She asked,Hamz and I nodded affirmatively,she then directed us to the doctor to see and we thanked her and left. We took the lift to the floor where the doctor's office was and after knocking,we went in and described Hamz's condition and he took off his cap to show the doctor who had initially put on a hospital glove,

He affirmed that truly it was warts but a common one and went ahead to tell us what warts are which we already read up on google,he prescribed the drug for his use,a sort of gel which is like a freezing gel which would gradually kill the warts till it disappears and thereafter suggested we got vaccinated for HPV (human papillomavirus) and tuberculosis which we went for.

Before we left the doctor's,he had suggested we also both go for hiv test,Hamz quickly cuts in,telling him there was no need as he was sure we were negative,the doctor's suggestion had took me by surprise as I hadn't done that in a while and whoever does hiv test often knows it is scary each time one goes,so I was yet to recover from the shock,the doctor smiled then went on to counsel us about the need to take periodic hiv testing,we looked at each other with a smile and I squeezed  his hand under the table assuringly,we then stood up to proceed to the testing room where we met other people who had also come for their hiv test,they got a sample of our blood and we went out to await the result.

I scanned the faces of the people who were also waiting for their test results and I thought to myself that some of them were probably carrying the virus,they all looked forlorn,probably waiting with bated breaths,one of the patient,a lady looked at me,a smile almost trickling into our lips with a knowing look that says this is the longest wait of our lives.

Soon after,some of the patients were called and some came out crying and were being consoled which raced up our blood pressure almost to alarming levels,Hamz had gone ashen and seemingly receding in height,I silently prayed to God for mercy. Soon,they called in the lady and after what seemed like forever,she came out and exclaimed excitedly,turning to face me saying she's negative,

"Ahhhh,omo mehn! Am so happy bros,ah,I was so scared initially because I was feeling weird recently and decided to come,ah,cos ehn bros, I just finished serving in ondo state and I really enjoyed life,lots of sex and all that,lol,so I just had to be sure,it is well bros,may you get a negative result"

She said excitedly and sashayed away,I didn't know whether to say amen to her prayer,getting a negative result,it's quite ambiguous if you ask me,so I just sighed and willed myself and Hamz to fate. Not long after,we were called and after some minutes of more counseling,we were given our results and staring at each other,we slowly opened up the sheet and I just looked past the medical jargons down to the result of the test,

"NEGATIVE"

I was so relieved,Hamz gasped in delight and came to hug me,as our eyes got teary,the medical staff smiled and clapped,it was quite emotional.



On our way home,Hamz was so grateful for how I helped him get treatment without allowing Mom know about it,

"How would I have coped if I didn't have you to support and be my brains in navigating through tricky situations? Ah! Thanks Maj"

He thanked me,I patted him on the back and told him it's fine.

On getting home, I swiftly went to get dinner prepared before Mom came back from work and when she got back home and were having dinner,she turned to Hamz and I and asked who had warts?

"Is it you Hamz?"

My heart beat so fast I thought it would burst,it didn't occur to me the hospital would notify Mom we were there,

"So,answer me Hamz,how and when did you contract this sexually transmitted infection?"

Everyone's face froze up in fear and astonishment!

What happened next?

KEEP UP

EDITOR'S NOTE- For you all budding writers who aren't ready to start a blog yet or who want a platform to share their many written works,here's good news, writers' anonymous NG is a place where you can showcase your talent in writing,you can find out more by clicking their site www.writersanonymous.com.ng or email them at writersanonymousng@gmail.com