Jamais vu 2

Jamais vu- /jamais vu/- A state of being unfamiliar with something you should be familiar with, the opposite is Deja vu.


Most men's knowledge of female sexual needs begins and ends within a general radius of a few centimetre on her anatomy. For the average brothers, "good sex" means a totally genitally-oriented experience and if "he" is enjoying it, well,then so is she, right?

Wrong! While many men come,their partners go- so to speak, listen on and discover what drives women to despair when it comes to sex,romance and bedroom etiquette.



Whew! So I had drafted my opening introductory remark for my challenge for the radio on air personality job,it was quite challenging approaching women to air their views and frustrations about men in the bedroom. Hamz had volunteered to go with me for moral support and to raise my confidence level with approaching several women but I gave him a side glance,he had a smirk on his face,we both knew he couldn't be trusted with women,I don't want a situation where a lady is opening up about her frustrations in the bedroom and to her horror,she assumes we trying to take advantage and humour our way in on her,so I declined Hamz's offer

"Oh common Maj,what's wrong with me coming along? I could also learn a thing or two na" he whined

"Hamza, no is no,just drop it,I don't trust you around women,I love you brother but that's the truth" I said with a tone of finality,picking up my tape recorder,temporary press I.d card and took off.

I went straight to the mall at the city center where I knew most people come out fashion-wise with the intention to oppress with their sunday's best but I wondered if I would get favourable answers since everyone would be trying to form all posh as though heartbreak has never touched them,but I shrugged and took deep breaths,said a little prayer and armed with my charming smile,I approached my first "interviewee",  a nice sleek girl I saw walking along,

"Hello"

So here are the responses I got based on the set questions I asked and going on air right now on radio as I introduced each set questions and then the responses from women.

-FOREPLAY FAUX-PAS

- A total turn-off is a guy with one boring repertoire, twiddle the tits,fumble with the fanny and we are in- sienne 22

-A guy who asks, "isn't that enough?" As if he is doing me a favour,foreplay is half the fun- shade 30

- A guy who is a sloppy kisser or a guy who doesn't want to kiss at all- julie 28

- Some guys are just too fast and treat foreplay like a mandatory toll-gate they can race through to reach the highway as soon as possible,that is a huge turn-off and it makes for really bad,mechanical sex- Ngozi 20

-I hate it when a man assumes that every kiss,cuddle or hug should lead to full intercourse,sometimes the side dishes are just as satisfying as the main course- hurera 25

UP YOURS BUT NOT UP MINE

- A man who assumes I am into anal sex gets booted out of my bed immediately,it's painful,degrading and the unsexiest,most unpleasant experience I can think of,this girl's butt aint made for bonking - Lola 30

PLUGGED-IN PASSION

- I hate it when a man produces a bag of goodies to accompany sex,I don't need vibrators,toys,dolls,costumes and body paint to have intercourse and if he does,then he should do so elsewhere

ALL AGONY,NO ECSTASY

-Alot of men don't understand how sensitive a woman's body is and claw,grope and pound so hard that it really hurts. A clitoris isn't meant to be squeezed like an orange nor are breasts meant for twisting,I am there for pleasuring,not for bruising - Temi 23

IT'S NOT INSIDE-IT'S ON TOP (OR THEREABOUT)

-Why can't men learn basic anatomy? A woman's sex organs aren't a vague inner area of mysterious components,a man should atleast find out what lies north and what lies south- Linda 28

MR ANTISEPTIC

- I once had a lover who spent about an hour in the shower before we had sex and insisted I do same,he was so antiseptic about it that I felt as though we were preparing for a surgery - Nancy 26

THIS AIN'T THE BATHROOM HONEY

-I detest it when a man treats the bedroom as if it were a toilet,farting and groaning straight after sex,what a turn-off - Jemila 25

FREAK SHOW

- I can't stand men who recite all the lame lines they have heard in porn movies,I once dated a guy who kept shouting "who is your daddy?" Until I eventually yelled, "my dad is way out of your league!" ,that shut him up - Imabong 24

- My ex-boyfriend used to give me a shopping list of all the things he wanted me to do in bed,initially I complied but it became really crazy and extreme,for example,tying me up and weeing on me,men should keep their weird fantasies to themselves or look for like-minded partners -Ranti 30

- Threesomes don't do it for me,I want only two people in my bed and anyway,I have never yet met the man who can satisfy more than one woman at a time if that, - Shade 21

THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS...

-The eeriest thing in the world is to make love to a man who is utterly silent throughtout the action,as if he is in a public library,it makes me feel as if am all alone, HELL! Make a sign of life brother - Paula 26

...BUT ON THE OTHER HAND

- I hate it when a man just won't shut up and turns lovemaking into a noisy carnival, some murmured endearments and sounds of pleasure are fine but I can't stand whooping,shouting and a running commentary - Sarah 24

BOYS WILL BE...ER...BOYS

-The worst pre-passion turn off for me was when I discovered my cute dude was wearing women's underwear,I gave him a mercy shag but I was counting the seconds until I could get out of there - Elizabeth 29

CONDOM PROTOCOL

- You would be surprised how many men still won't wrap it up,"no condom,no sex " is my slogan - Ranti 30

THE ORAL TRADITION

- A man who won't go down on me is a selfish creep,since I am prepared to do it for him,if he can't give as good as he gets,it's curtains -Funke 23

-Sometimes you get the impression that a man is closing his eyes and licking you with about as much pleasure as he gets swallowing castor oil,I can't bear it when a man behaves as if am dirty or something - Lima 29

-When a man is performing cunnilingus on you,he needs to put some thought into what he is doing and not just dribble saliva in all the wrong places - Gbemi 28

- I am not sure whether it's love or insanity that makes us go down on men,if the tables were turned and men had to taste their own slimy,salty semen,they would stop insisting on getting blow jobs,I would rather swallow a live goldfish - Omoye 24

THIS WON'T TAKE LONG DID IT?

-The worst worst thing a guy can do in bed is be so greedy that it's all over inseconds and he has only satisfied himself,what is he doing? Running a race? - Kemi 23

-If a man knows he can't last longer than the adverts between segments of a tv show,he should atleast spend time beforehand taking care of my needs- Iyabo 20

- The "wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am" routine was a way of life for me for three years because I didn't know any better,I don't advocate cheating but when I did,I realised that some men actually do know how to give good sex and satisfy their partners - Mariam 26

INSTANT PASSION KILLERS

-If a new man expects me to pay for dinner,it's an immediate turn-off,he should have some class and treat me right,after all,the date was his idea,all that 50-50 stuff should only happen once we are formally a couple -Amina 25

-A man who is obessed with text messaging is an overgrown child,if he is too engrossed in his phone to pay attention to me,then the sms from me reads, "Get lost" - Siobhan 29

- When a man keeps badmouthing his ex and starts describing all the terrible things he wishes would happen to her,I get a cold shiver down my back,that kind of vindictiveness sits very ill on a guy- Maria 22

-I can't bear it when a man is rude to waiters,car park attendants and shop assistants,thinking it shows how manly he is,all it proves is that he is a jerk - Patricia 24

-Any man who shows off his cash and fast car is pathetic,perhaps he is compensating for a small willie or trying to show everyone he is a poor boy made good,but in my eyes,he is just vain and obvoxious - Cecelia 29


SOAP AND WATER PART 1

-I once fell for a guy who was a really sharp dresser and thought I had landed the jackpot,until I spent the night at his place,his sheets were filthy,his underwear even filthier and his bathtub had a grimy rim around it, eww! -Chika 26

-I hate seeing dirt beneath a man's fingernails especially if he has been moaning about what a hard day he had at the office with no mention of a flat tyre or weeding - Ezinne 23

- Toenails need to be regularly trimmed because they look disgusting if they are long and are also lethal instruments in bed,who wants a man with talons in his feet - Latifat 23

- A man who stinks of sweat is bad news, Brother,invest in a bar of soap and a can of deodorant and you will make the world a better place- Mercy 20

-The worst turn-off of my life was seeing "skid marks" in a man's underpants,how can a guy go to the loo and not clean himself properly,wasn't he toilet-trained? -Tosan 32

SOAP AND WATER PART 2

-I hate it when a man gets up and rushes to the bathroom immediately after sex,it makes me feel like a dirty whore or something -Titi 29

EAGER BEAVERS
- A man who comes on too strong is a turn-off,I too enjoy the thrill of the chase and I hate it when I know from the word GO that we will land up in bed -Aisha 30

-I freak ou when a man expects me to sleep with him too soon into a relationship,if he is so desperate to get his rocks off,let him masturbate -Ndidi 30

THE JACKHAMMER SYNDROME

-The worst is when a man thinks he should thrust as hard and violently as possible to give you pleasure,I want a lover,not a rapist -Alero 25

The whole station and callers into the show had a good laugh and I was feeling thrilled that everyone loved it and yes,truly they did but the head of station barged into the studio just after the show ended and told me if I wanted to get their license withdrawn for airing such a sexually inclined vox pop of sexually frustrated women,everyone went silent,my heart started beating fast,we all knew she was right but we all had fun but she wasn't having any of that

"I loved the show and learnt a thing a two myself but am sorry,it was just wrong,but I like you and your exploits,leave your name and contact on my desk"

I smiled,whew!

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