Stuck in a daydream?

- "Give up already...enough of this charade" 

- "What is this? A Kardashian-like show? You can't be serious are you?"

- "You paint a fairy tale with your stories, you are not realistic, no one would be interested"

- " Keeping up with d Adagiris? What the hell? Lol, Maj, please get a job".

 I sat on the bare floor at one corner of my room, looking straight ahead with a pout, dejected and forlorn from being heavily weighed down by depression and worry as I contemplated over my reality blog "Keeping up with d Adagiris" and why I had started it sometime in 2009 as negative reactions I had gotten over time resurrected and blended with new ones people recently hurled at me, all floating freely around my head which were pulling me down, sapping my energy, stealing my joy and igniting feeling of inadequacies towards my posts as I began to dislike my write ups, thinking they weren't good enough despite a few friends calling to assure me they were all amazing and I should rather work on snapping out of my depressive mood fast.

Naturally, I thought they were being nice because they were my friends and turned to my siblings who although love me to bits, would most likely give me their frank assessment of my posts and luckily, they did which gave me some morale boost. "Luckily" because even though my brothers have being generally supportive, their support can be fickle, on and off depending on their mood, especially "off" when we have a fight wherein they give a scathing review of the blog in which sometimes lie a bit of truth but overall, they have been pretty frank and truthful of their appraisal of the blog which leaves me dealing with the haters and gloom predictors whose words sometimes cut deep like a knife and on one of such occasion left me crying in the shower after an online troll made fun of me and the KUWDA blog of being a wannabe and struggling to be a hit since 2009.


 I felt bad, I obviously have watered down the exact hateful statements on here for my own sanity but I couldn't help but ponder over the toxic statements and soon, was almost close to believing it leading me to discouraging myself as I felt as though every tick of time was taking something away from me as time is fleeting yet despite all these, still feeling an unexplained pull towards not giving up on the blog.

Upon stepping out of the shower, my eyes red and a bit swollen, Hamz who saw me as he was in my room immediately knew I wasn't myself and prodded to know what was bothering me, a little hesitant as I didn't want to say the exact words of the mail I got, I quickly tried to remix the statement in my head but couldn't find alternative words at that moment as my lips blurted out the truth to him, he grinned then asked me why I was yet to develop a titanium skin,

 "You're a writer, a creator of art and you expect everyone would be full of praises? I hope you aren't nursing the thoughts of shutting down the blog? Maj, you shouldn't let the words of people who barely know you easily sink into you...they shouldn't have that control over your emotions...keep doing you",

 I nodded rapidly and told him it wasn't so much of what was said to me but of me slowly beginning to think the haters were right or maybe I'm just stuck in a daydream, Hamz countered and said he would be the first person to slap me back to consciousness if he ever felt I had my head in the cloud,

"...That the blog is modeled after the Kardashians doesn't mean that it's what this is...you're different and stop letting these sort of comments get to you, stop being such a worrier and just keep writing about us and I think you should name this episode of us talking about this "Never say never" or what do you think?"

 He burst into a laugh, I nodded and with a sly look told him I think I have the perfect title, and with a relieved smile told him I will be fine as I went about my chores, quietly digesting all he had told me, convinced I wasn't stuck in a daydream.

 KEEP UP