MAJ AND HAMZ TAKE LAGOS! Lasgidi state of mind

 

"...So Maj,I got you your driver's licence"

Mom said,handing me my licence from the government to freely drive around,I grinned happily from ear to ear

"Mom,but Maj doesn't even know how to drive anything aside a bicycle,why get him a driver's licence,do you want him arrested for manslaughter for knocking down people dead ?"

Hamz sneeringly asked to which Mom and I threw him a disdainful look and both hissed

"You don't have a sensible way of talking Hamza...manslaughter HAMZ! God forbids,is it only for the purpose of driving,driver's license is gotten?"

Mom scolded,waving her hand over her head repeatedly,snapping her fingers,Hamz shrugged,shoveling a heaped spoonful of cereal into his mouth,while I fiddled with my smartphone,intermittently sipping my favourite matcha green tea,the highest potent form of green tea and high in antioxidants

 "So when are you both leaving for lagos...because I don't have much money with me o,I still don't understand why the both of you need to go to lagos together! I understand Majeed needs to go for some interviews and workshop but you Hamz..."


Mom whined as Hamz cuts in

"...needs to go and collect some form and meet up with some football scouts from abroad,you know if things click and I start playing in say,the english premier league,you would begin to see pound sterling signs in your eyes"

Mom smiled,sighing wearily,she took few steps towards the refrigerator and turned back to face us

"It's alright then,you guys should go and find out at the motor park at jabi how much the fare is from here to lagos,it shouldn't be more than five thousand naira..."

Mom said,pausing midway as she saw Hamz's worried facial expression

"What is wrong?"

 She asked,he shook his head,saying he was alright,Mom then picked up her purse and dug her hand into the middle and counted thirty pieces of crisp and clean one thousand naira notes and handed it over to me

"That's all I have,that is for your to and fro from here to lagos and back and transport within lagos"

She said with a tone of finality  to dispel any urge to protest from either myself or Hamz as she picked up her bag to leave for her place of work,Hamz and I stared sadly at each other and concomitantly thanked Mom for the money as she waved without looking back,the door slammed closed and she left.

"So Maj...when are we booking our flight?"

My eyelashes fluttered rapidly as I instantly raise my head from my phone to face Hamz

"What flight?"

 I asked,puzzled,Hamz smiled,putting his empty bowl of cereal down on the dining table,he then sold me on the idea of going to lagos by air

"How the fuck are we going to move around lagos or come back home if we spend all our money on a vanity trip to fly by air to lagos when we can easily go by road..."

I spit angrily as Hamz cuts in

"...and spend over ten hours on the road and have cushion sores all over and beyond jet-lagged or is it bus-lagged by the time we arrive lagos in the dead of night"

He defended his point,I sighed,pausing for a few seconds as I tried to be the voice of reason

"Yes,we might be all sore but we would survive and have enough money to pay for fares around lagos and to come back home...unless you have an idea where we would get money to come back home and also money to transport ourselves within lag,you don't expect us to be troubling our hosts after providing us with shelter and food"

A mischievous grin crept into Hamz's face,the smile that says he has a cool backup plan

"See bro! I got this girl I met on instagram,she's smoking and her family got lots of moolah,she's so crazy over me and she would definitely help out with cash....she lives in highbrow ikoyi in lagos"

 I nodded sardonically and to convince me he was serious,he quickly went to unplug his phone from his charger and quickly swiping across the face of his phone,he navigated through his phone menu to his picture folder to show me the pictures of the stunning girl,I was quite impressed and slowly,I started liking the idea of flying to lagos and to drive his idea home on me,Hamz said we could also be lucky to meet some cool girls aboard the plane

"Where do you think rich people and frequent flyers network and hook up"

He said,raising  his shoulders up with an air around him like someone who has just dropped the brightest idea on the table and I wanted to burst his bubble and by extension mentally slap myself back to reality

"Is it in the economy cabin that we would find cool people?"

I said sarcastically,Hamz rolled his eyes and clapped back or so he thought,asking me who takes first class cabin traveling within nigeria

"Rich people who can afford it...infact,they no longer board commercial planes but take private jets"

I retorted,Hamz subconsciously raised his eyebrow and told me I should not worry as we might meet cool people on the plane and if not,he has his rich girlfriend on instagram who would pay for our fare back to abuja and so I agreed....my mistake,how stupid of me.

We went online and booked our seats on aero contractor airline for lagos,paying for our tickets online then thereafter went to have our clothes laundered in preparation for the journey the next day.

I got up early the next morning and got my luggage ready,showered and boiled water for the morning's breakfast tea,while at it,I heard someone descending the stairs into the sitting room and turned out to be Hamz,he greeted me and went to drop his luggage on the seattee,Mom who had dressed up for work came downstairs and the three of us had breakfast together while QT and Karl were still sleeping upstairs. Mom adviced us as usual to be of good behavior while in lagos and make sure to be out of lagos before the elections begin,she kissed us on our foreheads and urged us to finish up our breakfast fast and quickly go to the motor park to board our bus,Hamz and I stared at each other with a smile and asked her to not bother about us

"Make sure you call me at every town and stop you guys make ok?"

She said,making a serious face at us

 "Yes mother!"

We both chorused and she left. Karl sauntered downstairs some moments later,slurring through his statement asking if we were ready to go,Hamz nodded in the affirmative while I downed the last drops of my favourite matcha green tea.

Hamz asked if Karl would drive us to the airport as it was too early in the morning to start calling a cab to ferry us down

"I haven't even brushed my teeth....and besides are you guys sure this flight thing is a good idea? The bulk of your money is gone already"

He said,expressing genuine concern,as I made to respond,Hamz quickly interjected,saying the flight had already being booked and that it's not compulsory Karl brush his teeth as he would not be talking to anyone at the airport nor need to alight from the car.

Karl nodded and went upstairs to put on his shorts and fetched the car keys to take us to the airport,QT was still fast asleep so we did not bother to wake him up but simply squeezed his feet tenderly as a way of saying bye.

 The drive to the airport was calm and quiet,we got to the airport gates and Hamz paid the toll gate fee,Karl drove in and we alighted from the car,grabbed our luggage from the car boot,then Hamz and I gave Karl a brotherly hug as my eyes got glassy with tears

"Common brother,pull yourself together,we would be fine and see you in a few days...or weeks? Only sad thing is we would miss your delicious meals"

Karl said,getting us all laughing. We waved goodbye as Karl entered the car and drove away and we proceeded into the departure lounge to board our flight.

"What if we take the flight and the plane crashes?"

Hamz asked suddenly as we walked along,totally taking me aghast with shock

"AH! Please please for the love of our parents,don't get me scared and paranoid abeg! What rubbish is that ehn! Hamza,I no like am oo,if you have such thoughts,let's turn back right now,I would rather loose money than life"

I rasped angrily,Hamz chuckled,asking me to calm down

 "It just crossed my mind how people who suffered those terrible fate innocently boarded those ill-fated flights and sadly met a gruesome end"

He said as I insisted he stop already. After the checking in formalities,we ascended the flight stairs into the plane,quickly settling down on our seats as other passengers also entered,all taking their seats one by one and settling down. I dug my hand into my small bag I carry with me whenever am traveling where I keep essential things like my novels,sunshades,bottle of water amongst other essential miscellaneous for my dean kontz novel "house of thunder", I love reading scary/horror novels,even though I was contemplating in my mind if it was the right thing to do as I would soon be several thousand feet above sea level in a few minutes. I kept fiddling with the novel,itching to read but scared of starting and not being able to stop once the plane starts taking off while Hamz kept taking selfies.

Few minutes later,two sleek ladies with super long curly weave sashayed past us towards their seats,Hamz instantly tapped me on my thigh,tilting his head towards the ladies

"Wow! Check out those shorties,they seem classy and loaded,you are the grammar king,sweet talker,cute and have your way with ladies,why not go and woo them?you would totally make them swoon in minutes "

 He asked as I gave him the side eye,opening a page in my novel,feigning reading,he sighed wearily,rolling his eyes then stood up to approach the ladies.

Hamz bounced over to where the ladies sat several seats ahead of us and promptly got chatting with the ladies,within minutes,they were already engrossed in a steady conversation,I kept looking up from my novel to Hamz and back to my novel,seeing him busy at work trying to impress the ladies who kept snapping and waving their hands at Hamz's face gleefully,occasionally dissolving into gales of giggles which also got me laughing,I thought Hamz was doing a good job,I just found it abit awkward walking up to meet ladies in the plane...or let's just say,I was shy.

Soon after,I saw Hamz point towards me to the ladies whose faces quickly turned towards me,my mouth instantly went dry as I wondered what Hamz had said to them,my initial chuckle wiping off my face,the girls flashed their teeth in a feigned smile,waving in a windscreen wiper manner,I feigned a smile back and also waved back then bowed my head back to my novel. Moments later,Hamz sauntered back,slumping on his window seat,he turned to face me and in a whisper said the girls were quite interesting but from the look of things,are high class call girls looking to hook some cool dudes on the plane,I sighed,giving him the i-hope-this-isn't-the-beginning-of-screwd look,he smiled wryly,patting me on the shoulder and said we would be fine,I nodded.

The plane got filled up as we were instructed to fasten our seat belt and soon after,the plane taxied down the runway and out of abuja skies.

 I slept for most part of the flight and when I woke up,I could see we were flying over lagos and moving towards the airport,some time later, we were descending the stairs from the plane,I couldn't help but remix Jay Z's song with alicia keys "empire state of mind" in my mind as we approached the terminal

"In lagos,hustle city where dreams are made of,there's nothing u can't do,now u're in lagos,these streets would make you feel smarter,third midland would inspire you,let's raise it for lagos,lagos,lagos"

We got out of the airport then I dug my hand into my pocket,pulling out all the money therein

"Ah! Hamz,we just arrived in lagos and all we got left is 2500 naira,how are we going to cope?"

I said,quite alarmed whilst using my left hand to turn on my phone,Hamz assured me we would be fine as I turn to flag down a bus then carrying our luggage,we ran after the big yellow bus but we missed it,Hamz groaned,remembering we are in lagos

"I've forgotten we are in lagos where people run after buses,Urgh!"

 I laughed,flagging down another bus then we ran after it again,luckily,the bus stopped and we boarded the berger bound bus which took us through toyin street in ikeja,past allen avenue and moving forward till the bus stopped at radio bus stop to drop some passengers.

We had just gone past coca cola adjacent TVC station towards agidingbi when the rugged looking,raggardly dressed bus conductor with smoke-darked lips and stained broken front teeth beckoned on me to pay my fare

"How many times do you want me to pay you,what sort of cunning petty thieving is that?"

I barked,the conductor retreated back in a rather amused way,smiled wryly then throwing me an evil stare,he thundered asking me to pay up or there would be trouble

"If I punch that your smooth,omo butter face,that grammar wey you dey speak go fly comot your lips and you go sharpaly understand pidgin,"

He roared to which some passengers in the bus laughed,he continued

"abeg roger me my money jor! Which time you pay me money?"

 I felt abit embarrassed as I had momentarily forgotten to switch to my lagos mode and had been truly sounding all refined earlier. While I battled within seconds to get over the humiliating situation,Hamz quickly waded into the row

"Walai bros! You no fit! You go blow who? Say wetin happen? You blind when e give you 1000 naira note for two? If you wan die try am,abeg hand us our change and make it fast"


Hamz's voice sounding all base and dangerous I had to pause and turn to stare at him,none of the passenger even gave a hoot at our misunderstanding,it definitely isn't a scene they are not accustomed to,they just stared ahead of them without caring if a fight broke out or not,the conductor had to do a rethink,going over the money with him and mentally calculating how much a full load of passenger is to figure out if he owes anyone change,his face calmed down when he realised he was at fault and apologised.

We went past agidingbi,then omole and finally arrived at berger where we alighted and we went home! Mom's call came in asking which town we were at and we said we were already in lagos

 "WHAT? LAGOS? How come?"

I laughed and told her we came by flight

"WHAT? You got to be kidding me,you both took a flight to lagos? Was the money enough for tickets for you both and how the hell would you come back or transport yourself within lagos? You dare not bug me for money nor bug my friend for money,have I made myself clear?"

She said and dropped the call

"Wow! Mom is ticked off"

Hamz said as I went to shower in the house of our hosts,Mom's friend who lives in an estate in berger

Our sojourn in lagos has just started! What happens next?

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